Find me at Everyday Life!

Do you know about the ministry of Proverbs 31? I've enjoyed participating in She Speaks, which has been a great encouragement to me as a leader, writer, and speaker. You can find me during March at the Proverbs 31 website's "Everyday Life" feature, sharing about how to teach your kids to pray.

I would love for you to stop by, scroll down past the (YUMMY! from LeAnn Rice) recipes, and be encouraged about passing on the gift of prayer to the young people in your life. Read Teaching Children to Pray.

Blessings on you this weekend,

Life Off Line: 5 Ways to be sure to pray

Today you can find me over at The MOM Initiative posting about Parenting out of the Pit of Addiction.

Today is also the official merger day of Scripture Dig and Do Not Depart. I'm excited to be "going along" as part of the Do Not Depart contributor team. Right now our Bible study together is called Run to Him and is based on various Psalms. This week we read Psalm 4, and 2 phrases got my attention in my real Life Off Line: 

• "Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!" v. 1
• "the Lord hears when I call to him." v. 3

The "when I call" repetition grabbed me, because it's so easy to be so caught up with so many things that I just fail to call. .... Kid appointments. Work demands. Laundry loads. Physical weakness. People pressure. Legitimate needs. I can get caught up in all the "doing" and in attempting to work out my own answers that I leave out "when I call."  

5 Ways to be sure I call:

1. Get up a little earlier or stay up a little later
2. Find a place to be alone (when all else fails, the bathroom ...)
3. Sit still and think about God (the car works!)
4. Open my Bible and pray back His words
5. Use a simple prayer journal to keep me focused

Next week I'll wrap up the Life Off Line focus, but I will never cease to need to stop and call on the Lord. He will hear and answer ... when I call. 

Other topics you might want to read from our Life Off Line series:

• Friendship
• Marriage: How to Have a Real Fight
• Real Hospitality
• God's Word
• Real Truth, Real Women
• 7 Real Habits for Happy Marriage
• Real Encouragement
• Snowman Craft
• Marriage: How do you do w/mess? 
• Are you resting?

Are you fulfilled?

She's everything life in 2011 is not.  She gave up her own fulfillment to prepare for Jesus ... and then she was fulfilled! 

Anna was a prophetess, a woman who was given glimpses into future things that were hidden from most others. When life took a turn and left her a widow, she turned her attention to spiritual things. She stayed at the temple, "worshiping with fasting and prayer night and day" (Luke 2:36-38).  I feel so convicted when I read that. My weak flesh wonders if she ever wanted to go out for coffee! But she stayed at the temple to worship. Instead of remarrying, pouting, or building a posh 1st century business, she gave up her own fulfillment to prepare for Jesus. 

visualbiblealive.com

Since she was so faithfully in a position to worship, it's no wonder Anna was at the right place at the right time when Mary and Joseph were blessed by Simeon as the old man saw little Jesus. The widow who had set herself aside recognized the Son of God and immediately, "she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem" (Luke 2:38).


She was a worshiper. She was humble. She was unselfish. She was steadfast. She was prayerful. She was grateful. She was ready to give an answer for the hope in her.


In her 84 years Anna had given up her own fulfillment to prepare for Jesus ... and she was fulfilled.



~ Are you worried about giving up something 2011 tells you is necessary to be fulfilled?
~ Are you ready to given an answer for your hope?

Make room without a word ~ Zechariah

Yesterday we asked "Do you have room?" Today we start our December reflections on those who had to decide if they would make room for Jesus. Subscribe to emails here so you don't miss a day.

Making room always comes with a cost. We have to lose something in order to gain. The often overlooked, elderly relative of Jesus, Zechariah, was no exception. He and his wife had reputations as godly people from priestly lines, & he had the high honor of being chosen by lot to travel to Jerusalem to serve in the the temple. He left his aging wife Elizabeth in the Judean hill country where they lived. The two shared more than divine focus in life, they shared a lifetime of begging God to remove what was a disgrace in those days - barrenness. They must've wondered if God ever heard their hoarse prayers. He did.


While Zechariah stood at the alter of incense, the angel Gabriel appeared to his right and let him know that "your prayer has been heard."  You can read the whole story here in Luke 1. Gabriel revealed the name and unique calling of the child Elizabeth would carry once her husband came home. Zechariah couldn't believe it. He really could not, so the Angel did what was merciful and painful. He left Zechariah mute and deaf, but only until the baby was born. 


Zechariah finished his service and then went home ... unable to share what his full heart had to tell. After all those years of praying, the highly respected priest went home without a voice to communicate to his Elizabeth, missing the pleasure of telling what he had longed for through the years. He gave up his honor, pleasure, and plans for what his answer to prayer would look like. Instead of a son to raise up in own priestly footsteps, Zechariah would raise a son with a singular purpose who would not fit in or have a family or aspire to what all Judean boys hoped for. Their prayer was answered, but it looked different than what they expected. To make room for Jesus and their part in His story, they had to let go of their expectations.


When the moment came for his aged wife to give birth, the mute man remembered the name Gabriel said the boy would be called. Instead of the cultural naming in honor of the father, Elizabeth told the stunned crowd that the child would be named John. When Zechariah obediently yielded their tradition, the people were amazed to know God was directing the deaf and mute man to choose the same name given by his wife. John. As they let go of lesser things ... earthly things ... they made room for God to work and welcome a son who would call the world to prepare the way of the Lord!


As a blessing for his obedience, Zechariah's communication was restored, and he burst out into a song of praise declaring his desire to serve God without fear, live in holiness, and have his son John prepare the way of the Lord. The elderly couple made room in their plans and lives for the coming Messiah. Under the nurturing of his godly parents, John "grew and became strong in spirit," ready to call the world to make room for Jesus!

~ What expectations do you have for answers to your prayers?
~ Could God want you to yield your plans to allow for His better, greater purpose in your life?

Covenant #8 - New Covenant New Me

(If you receive new posts by email and didn't see yesterday's video, be sure to click HERE to go back and see/hear the encouragement of An athem of my heart.)

Our study of the God's Covenants, solemn binding agreements, have been personal and rich. There's so much I could say to wrap up about the New Covenant changes our lives ... how it's changed MY life. I hope this one page description of what we were before the New Covenant might be a good way to seal the life-changing truths on our hearts. 

I encourage you to print it out, use it for review, and use it as a guide for praise. Because of the New Covenant, our only right response should be worship, and we have so much to look forward to! (Hebrews 12:28)

(If you receive an email subscription, click on the post title, so you can see the visual today.)

The New Covenant and the New Me

If you find the visual encouraging, would you share it on Facebook or Twitter? Pass on the good news of the what it means to be in a Covenant relationship with Abba Father!

Covenant #7 - Into heaven itself

I've wondered if readers ever catch the word "Covenant" in a blog title and hit "delete" because it seems to "Old Testament-ish" and "theological." I know you don't have time to waste, and I know you're probably like me in that you want to know what difference something makes to your life. That's not a bad thing.

This week's study focused on Hebrews 7-10 and how Jesus has acted as our high priest in the New Covenant that is better than the Old one, enacted in heavenly places instead of earthly ones, and done once for all instead of needing to be done over and over. It's heavy in "what difference does it make," but let me tell you one difference it's making to me ... today.


This past week has been a quiet one for me. My old voice ghost has haunted me, and I've been wrestling with the Lord over it. Doesn't He know how hard this is? Doesn't He understand how frustrating this is? Can't He relate to being weak and wanting to break free of its confines? You don't have to have a voice to whine.


I know from Hebrews 4 that my "high priest" DOES sympathize with my human feelings, because as part of the Covenant relationship we share, He became what I am ... flesh. Before I took on His identity, He took on mine. He agreed to make my hardships His own, while I was glad to make His glories mine. Our adversity? My voice struggle? He gets it.


But is He doing anything about it? When we're crying out (me silently, you aloud) or waiting for His provision, is He acting? God may be silent, but He is not still.


Our high priest, unlike earthly ones who enter rooms made by men and keep going back over and over, acted on my behalf and then sat down. He didn't sit down as if no longer involved, but because He finished making the one-time sacrifice; then He sat down with the right to represent us before His Father.

"For Christ did not enter a holy place made with hands, a mere copy of the true one, but into heaven itself, not to appear in the presence of God for us ..." Heb. 9:24. 

This week Jeff talked to my mom (& dr & kids & friends) on my behalf. Ministry partner & friend Karen called about event details for me. Friend Tara called the doctor for me. The kids answered the phone for me. Sometimes I need someone to "be the voice" for me. We ALL need someone to "be the voice" in heaven for us, and our Great High Priest is doing that.


He made a one-time sacrifice that brought us into a relationship with Him, then He sat down beside His Father in heaven, and He's appearing there for us now.


Maybe it IS theological with ancient roots, but it gives me peace for where I am today.  Just think ... Jesus entered heaven itself as our priest, offered Himself as the sacrifice, and is there right now FOR US.  That should leave us all speechless.

Let's take a minute to stop and say thank you for that kind of relationship - a Covenant relationship!

Go ahead ... permission to complain

It's been weeks since I first noticed a lingering "roar" in my right ear, left over after summer sickness. I've endured the distraction and inconvenience, and I've lost sleep laying awake to the sound of what reminds me of vacuuming ... If I could just make it to my doctor's appt with the ENT, I knew he would do something quick and painless and make it all the left over fluid go away.


He didn't make it go away. He broke the news that there isn't any left over fluid, but there's hearing loss in my ear and signs of a condition that is attacking my hearing. I left the office with an appt for an MRI, strict restrictions on my salt intake (Goodbye, french fries! I love you...), and prescriptions for things with ugly side effects. My happy expectation faded into surprise and discouragement, which bubbled over into tears after I handed the pharmacist the order. I sat down on a bench outside of Target, only to realize it was covered with rain ...  soaking the entire backside of my jeans.  (I think Satan added that part ...)

I cry to you, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living."
Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low! Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me!    ~ Psalm 142: 5,6

I was feeling like I was "brought very low" by what is attacking me physically. Other things attack us emotionally, spiritually, even mentally. Psalm 142 tells us we can be "brought very low" when we're out of energy, confused, attacked, or just so alone. It also tells us God knows our way ... even the low way.

What do we do when we feel "brought low?" (vv. 1-2) Aside from sitting on a wet bench, you do what I did:

• cry out to our Refuge
• plead for mercy
• pour out your complaint
• tell Him your trouble

And what does He do when we come to Him with tears and fears and questions and ... okay, a little bit of an attitude? He "attends to" our cries, and we give thanks in return. Our right attitude will benefit the other children of God around us.  Oh, help me, Lord, to have a good attitude, so it's a benefit and not a burden to others! 

• Have you been surprised by a hardship?  He knows your way.
• Have you been brought low by an attack?  He is your portion.

You have permission to complain to your Refuge, sweet friend. Go ahead. He's listening, and there's room on the bench.

Letting Go, Holding On

Last week I was the "hall mom" for the final day of our co-op, giving me a bird's eye view (and ear) to what the children said on their last class day.  One mop headed boy trying to control his urge to run raced by with a friend, moss covered bird house in hand, declaring, "The only thing I'll never outgrow is peanut butter sandwiches!"  :)

He might even outgrow those someday.  One thing we can not stop is time. When we were serving as missionaries in Asia, home schooling was a piece of our picture. It worked well for us then, and it was a joy in so many ways. Since I have a degree in Education and have worked as a classroom teacher and adjunct professor for Elem. Ed students, it was a natural way to use my training. When we returned to the US, we transitioned our kids into a private school and then into a public school.  For the past 3 years, though, we have schooled Jacob at home for Middle School.

Me forcing Jacob to have a pic with me! ;)

With my trip to Thailand, it means that we have savored our final days of home schooling together, as he prepares to go to high school next year.  It will be a big change ... for both of us. The two of us went out to our favorite Asian restaurant yesterday to celebrate and put some sort of punctuation mark on our years together. When he said, "Mom, I've really enjoyed these 3 years with you. I'll miss it next year,"  I nearly choked on my bamboo shoot with emotion!


When parents would bring first graders to my classroom on the first day of school, they would always cry .... the parents, not the kids. ;)  There's no doubt that it's never easy to "Let go of a season" and move on to a new one.  It's exciting and sweet in so many ways, but it's also bittersweet. I'm feeling some of it.


Today I'm sharing with a MOPS group as they meet for the last time this year; some of them will move on from MOPS, becoming "school aged kids' mommies."  From the life of Hannah, I will encourage them that "We can let go to a season if we hold on to God."  In her prayer of praise (also a lyric poem), she said, "There is no one like our God" (1 Sam. 2:1-10).  Her confidence in who God is and in what He does enabled her to let her Samuel move to a new season, while she held on to God. We can let go and hold on too. 

In honor of the MOPS of Erin Presbyterian, my own season changing, and the little boy who won't outgrow PB sandwiches, enjoy a "lyric poem" of my own ... "Letting Go, Holding On."

My heart is so amazed that I have made it through this time
      of sippy sups and learning sounds and chanting nursery rhymes.
Some days I thought I wouldn't make it through while still alive.
      "Far away" is what I thought of things like turning five.
The little ones that dangled from my fingers and my jeans
      seemed many years from words like"school,sleep overs,cars &teens."
But as the seasons move along, I'm swept along and know
      the seeds that I have watered are meant to sprout and grow.
Letting go a little with the passing of these days
      gives me pause to stop and bow, to ask for help, to praise.
It would be hard to welcome change and think that joy was gone,
      but empty hands are full because my hands are holding on.
And little ones remind that when clinging as we must,
      loving, strong, and steady is the hand that we can trust.
So I will greet new seasons, since I can not stop the clock.
      I'll let go as I need to, while I'm holding to the Rock.

Let's embrace each new season as we hold tight to the Rock!

Quiet here ... creating space

We will be quiet here at Come Have a Peace for the remainder of the week. I am creating some space in my days as I prepare for our women's retreat this weekend. I need some "extra room" in my schedule and in my mind to pray, to prepare, to work, and to be sure my family doesn't feel an overflow of "hectic." :) As our women's ministry director, my plate is well proportioned this week, but I don't want to have a spill! 

The Scripture Dig Team

I so appreciate your prayers for our retreat as the women of my church meet together to consider what it means to be "in the Family." My sweet women's ministry team is serving along with me, and my Scripture Dig sisters will be joining us to open God's Word at this retreat, and our hearts are full with expectation. It's going to be joyful, and I will share pictures with you soon! Next week I'll also share a list of the book recommendations from Scripture Dig that we'll be offering at our retreat. They are great ideas for Mother's Day suggestions ;) or summer reading plans.

You can check out the Come Have a Peace Facebook page (link on the right sidebar here - just "like" it on the page to see/leave updates) if you'd like to see any quick updates over the weekend.

Blessings to you!

Love your hometown through prayer!

We do something for love, one person at a time. But how about loving your whole hometown? How do you do it? Do you know that more than half of the world now lives in urban areas? How do you love a whole city?

On Wednesday before lunch, Lee Ann at my church sent me an email to ask if I'd seen the Facebook update of our local homeless shelter. I hadn't. She pasted it on the email, telling me about the crowds there this week & the great needs. I emailed one of our partners at the Ministry and got a list of needed items within an hour. I sent an email to hundreds of women at my church, and within 24 hours, a pile grew in the church foyer ... baby items, Clorox wipes, medicines, feminine products, games for children, and so much, much more. 24 hours after the first email, I was driving to my city with the gifts of my church family.  As Jacob and I carried the bags up the stairs, a man called out, "Did you give all this stuff?"  "No. It's all from my church.  We love you!"


More importantly, JESUS loves us! Giving to meet practical needs is a beautiful way to show His love.  What fun to get to be the driver of the delivery car!!!


Another beautiful way to love your hometown  is to PRAY.  On the last Monday of every month in 2011, believers in our area are meeting at various area churches for an hour (noon - 1 pm) just to pray for our city. It's called Pray for Awakening.  We'll ask God to show Himself clearly, to meet needs, to reach people, to turn hearts to Him, to give hope, to change us. I've called this city my "hometown" for almost seven years. We're praying for our city, because we love it. We love the people in it. It's something we can all do for love, wherever we live, urban, suburban, or rural. Do you love your community?

 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 

 Jeremiah 29:12-13

If you're in my area and would like to gather with us to pray, just come to Northstar Church (Info HERE). There's no program or agenda or welcome or bulletin, just prayer out of love. And if you love our city with me and wrote a post about this chance to Pray for Awakening in Knoxville, feel free to link your post below to help get the word out.

And if you're just one of my sweet readers of Come Have a Peace, but you have your own hometown, leave a comment here or comment on the CHP Facebook page to let me know where you are, and we'll pray for God to move there, too. Please join us on Monday as we love our city and Pray for Awakening. As we wrap up a month about "the things we do for love," it's a great way to finish!

My new fav coffee shop

I found the cutest new coffee shop in our town. The kids and took a few friends and went to have coffee/tea and chat. Can I just say, it is SO MUCH FUN to have my kids at the age where they can go to a coffee shop with me and drink hot drinks and chat pleasantly????? So much fun. It doesn't seem long ago that I would've spread out coloring books, dinosaurs, and goldfish, hoping to prolong my limited minutes. Every season of parenting has its joys. I'm in the coffee shop season. ;)

From my own kitchen ....

So this cute coffee shop ... great architecture, great coffee, interesting art, comfy chairs, big windows, good music ... and a dirty cup. Yeah, I hate to admit it, but I was given a dirty cup. Now, remember ... I've lived in a developing country, so I honestly just turned is upside down and gave it a tap, then poured my coffee in real fast. :) But I remember that the cup was dirty. I recognize a dirty cup, because I have them in my own kitchen.  ..... No one likes a dirty cup. Jesus doesn't.


The pharisees were constantly campaigning for Jesus to give them the "Righteous Club of the Year" award throughout the Book of Luke. He never did. In fact, He wanted them to know that He saw right through their outward image and inside their dirty cups. I mean, hearts. But He used a cup to make the point.

Luke 11:39-40

Then the Lord said to him, “Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness.You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? 

As we've considered earlier this week, Jesus wants us to be repentant, unencumbered by love for this world, and obedient. It was so hard for the religious leaders to repent, because they wouldn't take an honest look at themselves and see that they were dirty inside.  We have to recognize our dirty condition, so that we can cut loose the idols in our lives, and Be Obedient. 

Jesus longs for our obedience. It is evidence of our love for Him. What does Jesus want for me and for you in this year of 2011?  He wants us to Be Obedient. 

Well, it's the weekend.  What are your plans?  Let's all take some time to check out the inside of our cups and wash up. 

If you need a place to get alone for some time to think and pray and read and listen ... I know a great little coffee shop. :)

Why Jesus Came

My family loves homemade pizza .... apparently, so does our dog.

He's not supposed to eat "people food," but the last time I made pizza, he laid in the floor on my kitchen rug the entire time I worked, eyes looking up in longing. I repeatedly told him, "No. Not for you." This is the dog who is so full of love and affection, he's like the old boyfriend who loved you too much ... sometimes you wished he would go away. :) But with the pizza done and served, the family relocated from the kitchen for movie night.

The dog came with us. We said "no" once more to his longing eyes, and he "stayed" until we got wrapped up in the movie. Moments later we heard clanging from the kitchen. Our 4 pairs of eyes met. We all whispered with wrathful realization (we had yet to go back for seconds), "The dog!"

Sure enough, when I reached the kitchen, he was gulping down stolen morsels and lunging from the stove, leaving a vulnerable piece dangling on the edge. Momentarily I was mad, but mostly I was hurt. This "loves you too much" dog who sits at my feet and follows me around didn't obey me, so how could he really love me? Suddenly, I felt used and taken advantage of. Into the kennel he went to "think about it."   ;)  Ok ... really to protect the rest of the pizza. Bad dog!!!

If he loved me, he would obey me and change his ways, but he gives in to his urges instead. Jesus made it clear that when He came, He did "not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance" (Luke 5:32). He was saying this to pharisees who believed they were righteous by their own deeds. It's hard to get religious people to see their need to repent.

If we love Jesus, He wants us to Be Repentant, and that means a genuine sorrow for our behavior, accompanied by a change of behavior.  Our world today is so fast paced and so full, that we can avoid having enough time and space to meditate on God's Word and spend time in prayer to ASK HIM to show us what we need to be repentant of. True repentance produces obedience, and that's where we'll go tomorrow ... back to the pizza pan.

Today ... how about taking some time to read Luke 5:17-31  today, looking at the contrast of the repentant heart and the prideful hearts.  Let's ask God to show us what's in our hearts and what we may need to repent of today.  After all, that's why He came. 

Marriage Mondays ~ How to Help Men Pray

If you knew YOU could do something to change the way your husband leads and cares for you for the better, would you do it?  I want to give you something today ... insights from married men about what wives can do to encourage husbands to pray with them. Fellow marriage journey gals, these thoughts are golden. Refill your cup with some coffee or cocoa (hot 'bout this Southern snow storm?), and take time to savor and slowly absorb what these men are telling us. It could change our marriages. I'll wait while you get your mug ...

3 Ways Wives Can Encourage Husbands to Pray

1) Initiate ~ When it comes to initiating, some wives are reluctant and some are resentful, but the men had an interesting take on this.

It helps a husband if a wife initiates prayer with him, specifically asking if they can pray, offering to start, praying (on her own) about their prayer life together, and planting a seed in the day to pave the way. Note:  This is NOT the same as nagging; nagging never works. I think the difference is in the heart behind a wife's initiative. The goal is encouragement, not forcing or controlling. Here are some of their own words:

• "...share more with me, not only about what to pray for, but also how she'd like to pray together." 

• "Simply mention to her husband that a session of prayer would be a means of encouragement to her and could we plan to do that later or perhaps tomorrow?"

2) Appreciate ~ Our men long to be appreciated for the role their bear and the challenges that go with it. Men are facing a lot of challenges in work, finances, and morals, and we need to be their #1 cheerleader, not their drill instructor. Wives have challenges too, but our focus today is on getting inside the thoughts of our men.

• They long to be appreciated for their LIFE, with wives understanding what makes it a challenge. 
• They long to be appreciated for their LEVEL of spirituality, with wives accepting where they're at and letting God move them.

Men suggest starting with prayers that are short and simple, few and focused. Start small and slow. They said:

• "To start out, ask for one simple thing. Let the prayer be very short and specific. Ask, 'Would you please pray for me that I make it through the meeting?' ... makes it easier for the husband to break into the habit or praying."

• "As I listen to her sweet words lifting praise and thanks, it works to soften my heart from the callousing effect of a long corporate work day.... encouragement from her can work to embolden me spiritually and help to maintain a right and Godly perspective."

• "Express appreciation for whatever level the man leads from or how he expresses himself in prayer ..."

And as you start, don't let a single attempt by your hubby pass without appreciation for his "prayer care" at the level where he met you. Does it comfort and help you? Say so.  Does it turn you on intimately and make him more attractive?  Say so.

3) Participate ~ Men made it clear they want their wives to have their own prayer lives, to set an example of prayer and share about it (look back at Be Humble first), and to share about their joy of receiving comfort and answers through praying. They are giving us permission to share about our own prayer life, but they want us to do it in a humble, non-preachy way.

• "She could take a more active role in the praying itself."

• "Have a consistent prayer life of her own, set the example, talk about how important prayer life is to her ...her requests and the answers she is receiving." 

• "Soften him up ... Turn the TV off ... No distractions. Ask at dinner time or during a drive. Plant the seed: 'Honey I've been thinking about our prayer life. I've been wondering what your opinion is about praying together ...'"

• "She can pray for him. She can ask, although gently and encouragingly without nagging or treating him in a condescending way. This is touchy though, because the male ego is so fragile and may interpret her gentle heartfelt concern as judgmental."

• "Let her present praying together as a HELP in her life and an important NEED, instead of something they should do (even though it is) and maybe this will make a difference in some of the men out there." 

So there it is, girlfriends. Is your coffee cup empty? So much of communication is LISTENING.  Even if we don't see something from the same perspective as our men, listening to their thoughts helps us understand them, and that helps us know how to meet their needs, express our own needs, and get closer to the miracle of two becoming one. 

Let's ask God to help us become masterful at initiating, appreciating, and participating with our husbands in prayer. If we do, it will change our marriages!

I'm praying for our marriages today. If you have a specific need, feel free to email me at jeffjulmission@yahoo.com. I would love to add you to my Marriage Monday prayer book and lift you up this week. I'm going to be praying we'll do what encourages our husbands to be the men of prayer God wants them to be. We don't have to "make it happen;" God is working on that. We just need to understand how we might sabotage His work and pray He'll make us an asset to the hearts of our men.

Blessed Marriage Monday to you!

Marriage Mondays ~ Why Men Won't Pray

It was good for me to take a week off of blogging to let my brain and fingers rest, to pray and listen and consider what will be chiseled out on the screens of Come Have a Peace this year. I admit feeling a little nervous starting a new year. I don't take the opportunity lightly to take a seat beside you and share. The world certainly doesn't just need "more words," so I want to write words that count, words that lift, words that say "truth," words that always point back to the God who gives my life meaning and clarity and peace. Are you smiling at the future today? Do you want to? I really do want to, and I know I'm meant to. Marriage Mondays is one small gift from me to you, in hopes of giving you reason and hope to smile at the future of your marriage. I've been waiting for a Monday to answer the question, "Why won't men pray?" 

Jeff gave me the most amazing slippers for Christmas. My feet are so happy. He also gave me a great spatula, a book I've devoured, and a sunset colored shirt, to name a few lovelies. But I'm venturing a guess you would gladly trade your slippers or whatever else your beloved gave you ... if he would only pray with you.



I hear this desire from so many women. Men squirm when it comes up. Before we're married and in many marriage books, we "see" images of kneeling couples in prayer every night, not missing a day together of bowed worship and petition. Husband leading wife, nurturing intimacy through shared prayer. Doesn't Ephesians 5:27-29 say men should care for their wives like Christ cares for the Church, loving "their wives as their own bodies?" But the ideal often falls into the category of Norman Rockwell's Christmas paintings .... lovely, but not always reality.



Why is it so hard for men to pray with their wives?  When Jeff prays with me, it does all kinds of great things in me and for me and in our family. I love it. Do you wish you knew what you do that might discourage your guy, so you can avoid it?  And what can we do to ENCOURAGE him to pray with us ... and keep our slippers? ;)  Let's consider the first part of the dilemma today, and next Marriage Monday we'll look at how we can HELP him want to pray with us.



I asked some men I know why it's so hard and what we (wives) do that makes it harder.  The men represent a wide range of ages and marital experiences.  I want you to hear what they said:

"I have to play detective most of the time and try to guess those areas in which she'd like prayer. And since I don't often know whether I'm even focusing on areas that are hitting the mark, it's easier (and less vulnerable, maybe) for me to pray for her instead of with her."

One encouraged husband offered ideas of what would discourage him:  "Requiring legalistic prayers (...the right 'verbal formulas'  etc. A husband who doesn't pray often or much will be very informal. Accept that).  Being critical of things he tries to do in general ... If a wife criticizes any attempts he makes of reaching out and extending himself, he will be gun shy of trying anything else new, such as praying."

"Times of prayer with my wife are up and down. I would not say it's connected to anything she's done ... sometimes life and ministry happen and exhaustion prevents it ... if a marriage relationship is under strain, that is a hindrance to praying together."

"One thing that will discourage me is being legalistic about prayer or prayer time. If it doesn't happen on a set schedule or happen at the proper time, then somehow a 'scriptural law' has been violated. This makes me defensive, puts me on guard, and makes me feel like the prayer time is a chore."

"I think some guys quite honestly feel intimidated by the spirituality of their wives. Their pride keeps them from opening up and uniting their hearts with their helpmeets."

"It could be discouraging either way if the prayer time is used to point out personal jabs or disappointment with the other. Timing is also important ... are you both prepared and ready to focus? It can be discouraging if the wife is more spiritually minded and comfortable with praying and prays above the man's comfort level."

"...just get caught up in the busyness of life and it's one of the things that goes by the wayside..."

"What does a wife do that discourages?  1.  Ask at the wrong time ... timing is everything. Don't wait until you are in bed, lights out, and he has turned off for the day and is flipped off his mind's switch.  2.  Don't jump into it! Don't start with a 'must do schedule.'"

Not a single man said he finds it hard to pray with his wife because he doesn't want to.  I hope their insights enlighten you.  As I read their thoughts, I know there have been times I've been  a source of discouragement for Jeff. There are times I've made it harder for him to fulfill his role of spiritual leadership in my life. NOT what I want!! The beginning of a new year is a great time to see myself more clearly and make adjustments.

If you knew there was a way to encourage your husband to pray with you, would you do it? I can hear you saying  yes and shaking your head.  You love your husband like that ;)  You want to be closer to the Lord and to your guy.  Well, next week join me for more words from men who shared what we wives can DO to encourage our husbands to pray with us.  Until then, let's be prayerful for our husbands and ask the Lord to show us how we might be discouraging them. After all, they gave us great slippers. :)

Love to you, my Marriage Monday readers.   2011 is going to be an intimate year!

(If you have a marriage focused post that applies God's truth to married life, feel free to link up below and share the encouragement. Just be sure to kindly link back, so readers can find all the great resources.)

Keeping the peace this Christmas

Going to the post office the week before Christmas is enough to knock anyone's merry meter down about 50%! After that I did what I hadn't done for about a year ... walk through a department store.  Loud runway music was playing, and I looked down to find I was walking the red carpet. With surrounding invitations to try fragrances in large glass bottles, I almost felt like I was a celebrity ... except I was in black sweat pants and carrying a Chick-fil-A coffee. I only ventured to the mall for a couple of items, but voices called out offers to buy more and save more, look better and feel younger, and sample things I didn't need. Signs shouted offers for items at low, low prices. I managed to escape with only 3 bottles of soap and a 4th one free.  I didn't even go for soap!  Are THOSE the voices of Christmas? Christmas doesn't make it hard to maintain our peace; our culture does. 


Even Jesus took time away to pray to His Father. After He delegated needs to His disciples in Luke 9, they all went to Bethsaida, but the crowd followed. Jesus welcomed them and met their physical and spiritual needs. So many voices around Him called out to have needs and hopes and desires met. It sounds like an exhausting day, even for the Divine Lord (remember this is the Baby of the manger grown up).  Verse 18 tells us "he was praying alone."  In the midst of 5,000 voices, Jesus knew prayer is essential to experiencing peace on earth.

At Christmas we celebrate the coming of the Prince of Peace, but we may find ourselves so wrapped up in present prepping, cookie making, socializing, or just sitting in traffic that we find it hard to HEAR the Prince of Peace. Even for those who have habits of prayer, we may push out time to listen to the Lord and to talk to Him. Oh, to listen to His voice and pour out our hearts to Him; it is a gift made possible by His coming to earth. We have to tune our hearts and ears to hear Him above the din of all the "Christmas-ing" round us.

We need to pray today because:

• if we don't, we'll make poor choices ... and end up with extra soap ;)
• we will become overwhelmed without prayer
• it will help us to be the woman, worker, mom, wife we need to be
• we need peace to reign in our hearts and minds during busy days
• we want to pay attention to the One the celebration is all about
• it's the way to have an intimate relationship with God

There IS time to pray before Christmas:

• pray for people as you wrap their gifts
• pray prayers of thanks and praise as you cook, work, shop, or drive
• pray out loud sentence prayers of response as you listen to Christmas music
• pray when everyone else is gone and you can listen to God's voice in the quiet (wait 'til dark?)
• pray when you read the story of the Prince of Peace in Luke 2
• pray as you pause an extra minute when getting in or out of your car
• pray prayers of gratitude to the Light of the World when you pass Christmas lights
• pray when you open your mail

Psalm 95:6-8

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care. Today, if only you would hear his voice ...

To have a peaceful Christmas, we have to tune into the voice of the Christmas Child now grown and seated in heaven. Right now, find an empty bathroom stall at work, pretend to sort presents in your closet, or close the door wherever you are, but turn off the other voices of Christmas. Listen to the One voice.  PRAYER is the key to a peaceful Christmas.

 A "silent night" probably won't just happen. We will have to tune something out to tune into the Father's voice.

If we pray, we will keep the peace of Christmas.

UFD ~ Real Help for Your Heart

I usually want to blame it on the weather.  Sometimes, just to avoid getting in a rut, I blame it on other people or "my stuff" or my work .. or the other people and stuff in my work. ;) But ultimately, discouragement is an issue of the heart. 

Only God knows what's really in my heart, and nothing is hidden from Him. That's why He has the right to say He can lift me from the mire and mud of my discouragement and put me back on solid ground (Psalm 40:1-3). When something is heavy, it drags on you, makes you tired, slows you down, robs you of joy, and keeps you captive while you drag it around.  And all of that "dis-courages" us ... the opposite of giving courage = against courage.  

To get Up From the Dumps we have to go back to our hearts, because "As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man"  (Prov. 27:19).  See a discouraged gal, and she has a discouraged heart.

We're supposed to serve God with ALL of our heart.  The Old Testament is filled with evidence of people who turned their hearts away from God, loving other things instead of Him, only to find they were empty and unfulfilling = discouraged. On the flip side, the Bible shows us over and over how seeking God leads to an encouraged heart characterized by peace and joy:

1 Chron. 16:10 ~ Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice. (More rejoicing, less dump talking!)

Psalm 16:8-10  ~ I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure... (Not being shaken sounds a lot better than instability and insecurity!)

Psalm 28:7  ~  The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  (Are you discouraged? Can you see yourself trusting, leaping, and getting help?)

Real help for our hearts means turning to God's source of help and peace: His Word. It seems so simple, but we often leave out what we need most. Here are a  few ideas for building God's Word into our days:

1. Get your tools ready for some quiet time. Read here for ideas to help make it more "doable" and more likely to become a regular pattern. Satan is ready to discourage you, so prepare to have God's thoughts on hand to guide your days. Click here for resources about developing a quiet time.
2. Include elements like these in your quiet time: Bible reading, memorizing, journaling, reading.Our hearts need the good "spiritual food" of God's truth. We can't live "Up From the Dumps" without it for long! If you find it hard to carve out (Yes, it is intentional. You won't just find yourself sitting with nothing to do and an open Bible) time, click here for Part 1 of two posts on how to overcome that challenge.
3. Let prayer relieve your heart & give you rest. Prayer is conversation with One who knows our hearts best. It feeds an attitude of thanksgiving, trust, and peace. If you're in a pit of discouragement, I highly recommend writing some short prayers in a plain spiral notebook. Don't write long, but write often. Check here for resources on growing your prayer life.
4. Let God use music to comfort and strengthen your heart. Music is the voice of praise, and playing spiritually minded, truth filled music steers our thoughts to  good things. If you are blessed with Christian radio, play it. If not, there are many online sources that provide Christian music. Click here for a great example.

What can you do today to "live up?"  Give a little attention to your Bible reading supplies, add a new element into your spiritual feeding, spend some time writing a prayer, or turn to music that really fills your heart?

Psalm 73:26  ~  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Tomorrow let's look at 4 Real Ways to Create Encouragement at Home.

Marriage Mondays ~ Press 2 for "Man"

There is all kind of help for translating language: Google translator, hiring an interpreter, hand held devices, iphone apps, subtitles, and my favorite: "press 2." You make a phone call, and the message says, "For English press 1. To hear this voice in ___ press 2." Sometimes in marriage we need to know what "the man" is thinking. There's no place where this rings truer than in the bedroom.

I've had many women tell me they find their husband's bedroom messages confusing. This isn't a surprise, since we speak different "languages." Before sin (you can read a good description of what sin is here) physical intimacy between a husband and wife was WAY different = better. Genesis 2:24-25 (Before Eve ate the deadly snack) We're told the couple was "naked and were not ashamed," that they had been created to be "one flesh." This isn't just talking about sexual intimacy, but it certainly IS part of the picture. Their oneness brought God pleasure, as they procreated, represented the oneness of God, and enjoyed the companion He gave them.

Sharing great physical oneness went from James Brown's I Feel Good to Pat Benatar's Love is a Battlefield. In Gen. ch. 3 the consequences of sin (see a good description here) made it clear that life, including sexual intimacy, would be work. Imagine being able to enjoy your spouse without challenges like selfishness, misunderstanding, long work days, or stress headaches. Before sin, man and woman enjoyed a oneness in the garden, while experiencing the freedom that comes with being clean, living in God's presence. Now, physical intimacy needs some translation.

Most wives consider sexual intimacy to be the expression of/by product/end result of a relationship that is close and loving.

Most husbands consider sexual intimacy to be the doorway to/beginning of/invitation to greater closeness in marriage.

When a couple needs to strengthen their bond, the wife may want to see the relationship improve before there's a physical expression of their love. The husband may try to express his love and desire to get closer by initiating some romance. As a wife, the temptation may be to think, "What?? You've got to be kidding?? You must not care about how I feel." This is when a wife needs to think: "Press 2 for MAN language." Ask God to help you understand what MESSAGE your husband is communicating. In truth this is often the way many men reach out to begin or reinforce closeness.

Instead of disrespecting you as a person or not caring about your feelings, if you "Press 2 for MAN language" in prayer, you might realize your man may be saying:

Being physically close to you is comforting, relaxing, and affirming. Our physical oneness is one way I can show you I love you and want to be close. Having you receive my expressions of love shows me you accept me, believe in me, and find me desirable. When we're close, it gives me confidence in our relationship, and that helps me face the world.

The world encourages self preservation, warning us to be on guard, wait until he meets our needs, and respond if we feel like it. It's easy to be pressured by the world's suggestions we shouldn't focus on understanding our husband in intimacy. But we need to ask God to help us understand our man's messages. We need to fight the lies of the Enemy and not fall into the trap of believing dangerous messages we hear from the world. Beware of taking in mental "junk" from places like your reading and entertainment; Satan will whispers lies in your ear when your man is trying to stir the flames of passion and you are in that critical moment of decision and response. It helps to remember what's true about the gift of sexual intimacy, regardless of the work it takes to make it great:

• God created sex for our pleasure and His glory, and His creation is beautiful apart from man's sinfulness
  
• God wants it to be born out of a godly relationship; He doesn't want us to settle for weak substitute
• God gives us perspective, power, and peace in all things ... even intimacy.
• God wants us to ask Him for understanding through PRAYER about everything ... even intimacy. Eph. 6:17-19

Are you trying to understand your man when it comes to physical intimacy? Fight the lies, and believe the BEST of your man. After all, the two of you are ONE. If he starts humming Frank Sinatra's I'm in the Mood for Love, do you sometimes want to know what in the world he's thinking? PRESS 2 in prayer, asking the Lord to give you understanding of what your man is "saying."

So what's your song right now? James Brown? Pat Benatar? Frank Sinatra? ;) Press 2 to hear his message right, and you'll both be hearing Barry Manilow's Love is a Many Splendored Thing. ;)

This is what a godly mom looks like

In September I've been considering key relationships in a woman's life. We've really just gotten started, but so far we've talked about how we relate to our God, our church, and our kids. Of course we've talked about husbands on Marriage Monday.

I wanted to reflect on parents and started thinking about what God's Word says ... they are to be obeyed, we leave them if we marry, they are to train children, and our lives are extended if we honor them ... & so much more. But then I received this tribute following the day when an 87 lady (I mean that = "lady") of our church family went to heaven. Martha's daughter reflected on her mom's life and graciously agreed to let me share her words. It says so beautifully what a godly mom looks like; this is the kind of mom I hope I am becoming. Let this be our reflection on being a parent God's way ...

My Tribute to Mom

For as long as I can remember, people have told me I look like my mom. I’m not sure I always appreciated it, but I love to hear it now! I take it as a real compliment and it inspires me. She was a beautiful woman—inside as well as outside and the best Godly role model I could ever have. If you’ve known, her for even a little time, I think you’ll understand.

Mom was first and above all things a lover of Jesus. He was her savior, her friend, her strength, her comfort, her reason for living. In the front of one of her favorite Bibles from years ago, The Living Bible, she wrote Acts 20:24. “For life is worth nothing unless I use it for doing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about God’s mighty kindness and love.” And that’s what she did with her words, but primarily through the way she lived her life.

Mom was a lover of people, because Jesus is a lover of people. Her friendships were countless. Some spanned many years and some were very recent. She was quick to make friends, and her friends were young and old, near and far, from different cultures and similar backgrounds, those who knew Jesus and those who don’t yet know Him. Her heart and passion was that each one would come to know Him as she did. Her heart and her home were always open and they became a refuge for many. She was considered a second mom or adopted sister to more than I’ll ever know.

In recent days, when she could no longer get out and visit with friends, she took to calling and writing notes. I can’t tell you how many trips I took to the mailbox with cards and letters Mom had written—some to folks she’s kept up with for over 60 years!

Mom was an incredible prayer warrior. She fought many battles with her prayers, for those of us she knew and loved and for others she’s now meeting in heaven for the first time. If you’ve ever shared a concern or need with her, you can know she took that to her heavenly Father on your behalf. I’ve found prayer lists she’d written recently and many of your names are on them!

Mom loved God’s Word, and she never grew weary of reading it or hearing it taught. She would often share with us something new she had learned from her personal study or from a Bible teacher on the radio, at church or Bible study. She would always take notes, and I’ve found them everywhere! Lately, she told me she was frustrated in not being able to memorize a passage from Colossians 3 that she was working on. IT says, “As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear each other’s burdens showing mercy, because God has been merciful to you…and above all, put on love, which binds you together in perfect unity.” Dave and I were talking about that the other day…We don’t think she needed to memorize it—she lived it!

Knowing Mom, I know she wouldn’t like the attention she’s being given today. She wanted all the glory to go to her Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. Her desire was that her life be a reflection of the One Who created her and lived within her. I’m confident she is now in His presence, face to face, and she has heard, “Well done, Martha, my good and faithful servant! Welcome Home!”

Scripture Dig & Throne Time

If you're visiting from Scripture Dig today, welcome! Our team has spent the week introducing ourselves, and today is my day. If you've been there, you've had the chance to meet Teri Lynne, Kristi, and Kathy so far. We're excited about this new site meant to be thirst quencher for those who want to know God and His Word. Next week begins our first theme on Scripture Dig all about "Bible Basics." Until then ...

If summer is so relaxing, why do I feel worn out? Today I'm forcing myself to leave my list of things to do and go sit with my kids at the pool. Despite my best intentions, it looks like rain! Getting rest is hard work. :) Maybe because it isn't technically summer yet ... or maybe it's because I'm falling into the "not at the throne enough" category. Listen to this quote I read last night:

"Today there is new interest in prayer. Books on prayer - new and old - are selling, and sermons on prayer are popular. Despite this, the tide of prayer is very low. In many ways, it has reached a new low, both in the lives of individuals and in the united prayer meetings of our churches ... These days we are suffering from the barrenness of busyness, activity without accomplishment ... God's throne is the busiest place in all the universe because everything centers there. Yet, the lack of prayer on the earth keeps it from operating at full capacity."

~ Armin Gesswein

Nope, that isn't written by a 21st century author, but from 1965. I read it in a little book called "Prayer - The Christian's Number One Secret," recommended by Kay Arthur in her study "Lord, Teach Me to Pray." It seems the struggle to be still and spend time knowing God's Word and responding to Him in prayer is one that spans the ages. If you read some of my story on Scripture Dig today, you know where I grew up and that it wasn't in a place that highly valued knowing God. I really began to experience what it meant to know God through discovering His Word while I was in high school, with nothing but a spiral notebook, a Bible, and a pen. I wasn't even at a coffee shop with wi-fi ;) but I began to learn the wonders of Who God is for myself! I guess you could say I began to know the joy of digging.

Wondering when you're going to get some of those "good vibrations" of summer? Maybe it's a great time to "crack the Book" and go to the "busiest place in all the universe." Where are you going for your R&R?

the Value of Vacation ... with a Prayer

What's on your prayer list? If it looks at all like mine, it's probably filled with a lot of needs. I keep a prayer journal that helps me to "round out" my prayer life and keep me on track, but I admit it isn't likely to include VACATION. I just started studying the Lord's Prayer in a fresh way with a group of ladies on Monday nights, and I'm seeing new things.

If we pray about every area of our lives, why not vacation? If God wants us to rest and to come away for some stillness and peace with Him, shouldn't we pray about it?

Pray before you go away ... for direction about when and where to go. We can plan our way, but we need God to direct our steps. (Prov. 16:9)

Pray for provision of a "solitary" place ... these are hard to come by in our world. He knows what we need and will supply it. (Matt. 6:31-33)

Pray when you set out ... I love it when we bow our heads and pray at the start of a journey. (Psalm 121:8) And when we pray out loud as a family or vacation group, we are reminded of what we hope for in the time of rest together = accountability & unity.

Pray beyond safety ... we usually default to this, but ask for MORE! Ask for God's peace, for new insight into His character in the people and places you see, for opportunities to share Him, for fruit of the Spirit towards each other, and for hearts of gratitude. Pray beyond your safety! (Phil. 1:9-11)

Luke 5:16 says that, "Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."

Pray while you are away ... enjoy time to talk to your Father, alone or with someone else. (James 4:8)

Enlist others to pray for you. Ask a friend to pray for your time away ... beyond your safety. As for them to pray for your growth, your refreshment, your reconnection, your pleasure, and your peace. We ask people to pray about so many other things with us ... why not the Value of Vacation?

Will you be traveling this Memorial Day weekend? I'd love to pray for you as you go. ;)