7 Ways to create a climate of sharing

When was the last time you borrowed something from a Neighbor? When my Neighbor was "Beth," I felt very comfortable to call or go over to borrow things all the time. But I don't have a "Beth" now, or I haven't found her yet, if I do. Maybe she's next door, and I don't even know it!


Convenience stores are neighbor killers.  Instead of putting aside our pride and putting down our guard to ask a neighbor to borrow something like a punch ladle or a cup of flour or an egg or a sled, we just run to the corner store (they're on EVERY corner in some places) or Wal-mart. Blessed are you and your Neighbor if you don't have access to convenience stores everywhere.

Proverbs 3:28
Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.

O that we would be generous Neighbors. Maybe we're reluctant to borrow, because we don't want the Neighbor to get the wrong idea and start draining us dry by asking for things they need. If WE don't ask, THEY won't ask. Right?

Right.  And so if they don't even feel like they can ask for a cup of sugar, they certainly aren't ever going to say something like, "Things at our house have been really hard lately.  How do deal with life when you feel hurt and discouraged?" 

Maybe sharing our faith starts with sharing our sugar. 

7 Ways to create a climate of sharing:

1. Take something "extra" to your neighbor (fruit, baked goods, potting soil)
2. Tell your neighbor what you have that they are welcome to borrow
3. Ask your neighbor to borrow something you could get at Wal-mart
4. Return what you borrow asap
5. When you borrow and/or return, use the chance to chat
6. Bring up "the borrow" the next time you talk and say thanks again
7. Run out of sugar

The overcomer where you live

If garage door openers are neighbor killers, the answer is found at our mailboxes. Some houses have mailboxes in hallways, at community boxes, or at the edge of the road, so it's more efficient for the postal worker. The solution to the garage door opener problem is the mailbox.


It's the nature of our flesh to look out for OUR best. That's why we do what we can to get parked and inside our house as quickly as we can. 37 Seconds is all it takes me. Who wants to struggle with a heavy door, get wet, or have to walk far with groceries? Not this girl. I appreciate a time and labor saving device. You?

"Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor" (1 Cor. 10:24).

To seek the good of our neighbor, do we have to heave the door on our own? Not if you have a mailbox. Taking time to pause at the mailbox provides the perfect opportunity to wave, smile, be seen, or even chat that the garage door opener kills. It leaves room for an opportunity to happen. The mailbox helps us overcome what our efficiency spoils.

How about walking to your mailbox (instead of doing the drive-thru pull up motion), standing there to look through your mail, and then pausing to look around and pray for those living near you ... your Neighbors?  I wonder what might happen if you did.  Could you make yourself stand at your mailbox for 37 seconds? 

It may not win you a prize for efficiency, but that intentional mailbox pause will provide opportunity to seek the good of your neighbor. 

Tomorrow we'll look at Day #2 of the Ready, Set REACH! study designed to help prepare anyone looking to reach out to neighbors where they live or around the world. Next week we'll look at a couple more neighbor killers and how to overcome them. No mail is involved. :)

What else is keeping you from loving your near Neighbor?  I'm going to stand at the mailbox for 37 seconds and think about that ...

37 second Neighbor killer

Neighbor killers are part of everyday life. Are they keeping you from your Neighbors? If you want to figure out Who IS my neighbor? then you need to know.


We have to make contact with our neighbors before we can actively care for them. Trouble is ... those of us who live in "developed"countries have worked really hard at finding ways to avoid that contact. Our quest for efficiency, privacy, and leisure has insulated us and made it easy to stay unattached. After all, contact can be messy. Would you admit to falling into "neighbor avoidance" tactics? It's not pretty, but I admit I have. Most of us haven't developed new skills to make contact in the new normal filled with technology and separated by fences and security systems and photographed by Google street view.

Garage door openers are neighbor killers. I just timed how long it takes me to push the button, wait for the garage door to open, back in, and let the door close again.  37 seconds. The neighbor next door didn't even have time to pull the curtains back. And I did all this without caffeine. This efficient, time saving device crushes contact with Neighbors near us.

Just let the Mission Impossible theme song play in your head as you push, drive, push, and disembark. It feels like an intentional plot to avoid Neighbor contact, but it's really just a sad side effect. If we aren't careful, we move from desiring efficiency to despising our Neighbors. We may hope they don't see us, stop us, or want to talk to us. Our desire to control our time may invite an attitude that despises anyone who could stop us during the 37 seconds it takes to disappear. 

Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor. Do they not go astray who devise evil? Those who devise good meet steadfast love and faithfulness. (Prov. 14:21-22)

Now I'm not saying you shouldn't have a garage or a door opener or caffeine. I'm saying that being aware of our habits and how they change life with our Neighbors helps us OVERCOME the KILLERS.  Instead of letting our control device (aka garage door opener) call the shots, we can be generous with our time and attention and "devise good" for our Neighbor. The bonus is that we experience God's faithful love when we do good to others, and that's even better than a garage door opener.

Tomorrow I want to encourage you to use something you already have as an overcomer to this menace. After all, when it comes to neighbors and Neighbors, we've been challenged:
"Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor" (1 Cor. 10:24).


Until then, I dare you to time yourself and see how long it takes to disappear inside your house. And if you are blessed not to have a garage, here's permission to be a momentary "creeper" and count while someone else pulls into theirs or just parks and goes inside their house. :) But you'll have to be fast. Phantom Neighbors pull in and disappear before you ever even see their face, know their name, or catch a glimpse of why you should care.

Tomorrow ... the overcomer!

Marriage Mondays: THIS is romantic!

It's been almost 22 years since Jeff and I made our vows to each other in a small stone church full of family and friends.  Romance has changed through the years, and what speaks to our hearts has grown up and seasoned. Today at Chrysalis Cafe, people are sharing about the topic of romance in marriage. There will be talk of foot rubs, candlelight dinners, babysitters, quiet moments, and conversation.  And there should be. But this past Saturday, I was blessed with a sweet expression that spoke "romance" to me. 

Plans had been made for an overnight backpacking trip at the end of the spring break week, but a re-injured ankle put a stop to that. I committed to speak at a women's tea, welcoming a new pastor's wife to the sweet family of ladies at First Baptist Church of Friendsville. Becky had been part of our staff, so it made it extra sweet to go serve with them. They asked me to share about "Becoming a Godly Servant."  Jeff and the kids had the morning together to go for a bike ride while I was gone to talk about being a servant.

That's when it happened. Jo thought to snap a picture for me, to show me the romance happening in the kitchen, though I wasn't even there. Jeff put up the chairs and scrubbed the kitchen floor for me. While Jacob was mowing and Jo was vacuuming, Jeff was on his hands and knees serving me. No candles, no music, no rubbing of feet, not even any "ME" present, but totally romantic. His act of serving spoke volumes of love to me. 


A servant has "this mind" that is "yours in Christ Jesus," and "this mind" is one that "counts others more significant than yourselves" (Philippians 2:3-7). It's the same attitude Jesus had that motivated Him to take on the form of a servant. It gets on the floor to clean, while the one it loves is gone. A servant has a change of thinking:

• YOU instead of ME
• US instead of I
• HIS glory instead of MINE

God is glorified by the romantic action of serving one another. I think He's glorified when Jeff rubs my feet, too, but that one's a little harder to sell. ;)

• How can I serve the one I love so I speak love to him?
• How can you serve your loved one today?

Marriage Mondays: Bottoms Up!

June traditionally has the most weddings, which means we're right on the doorstep of bridal shower season. I got TWELVE glass pitchers as wedding gifts! Isn't it strange that we spend so much time registering for, acquiring, and arranging things to make our "happily ever after" look good on top, but we don't do much to build its foundation? I don't think I've ever seen a single book on a gift list, and no one has EVER asked for $ towards a first marriage retreat. I shudder to think of the ratio of time spent on pre-marital counseling compared to time spent shopping, in showers, registering, and wedding planning. I could do a lot of pouring drinks when I got married, but I don't think I had much of a clue about how to refresh my husband's spirit. Why don't we invest more in the foundations of marriage?

Saturday night Jeff and I were invited over to our friends' home for a cookout. After dinner we toured the "man cave," where our Mr. Friend has just started building a boat (Mrs. Friend is totally supportive, so stay with me). When we opened the door to the shop, I expected to see a frame that said, "Boat." Instead, I saw some odd looking boards and architectural drawings. Closer inspection and lots of questions revealed that you build a boat from the bottom up. In fact, he'll build the bottom and then flip it to build top later. Turns out that the most important part of building a boat is the bottom, even though what we see is everything on top.

Our friends have invited us to come and go on a boat ride ... in 3 years when the boat is done. I'm really glad he's giving so much time and attention to the bottom, because even if a boat looks good on top, a weak bottomed boat is destined to sink. In the same way, a weak bottomed marriage is headed for a rough ride and possible sinking.

Is a wedding or a shower is on your calendar, leading up to the "most married month" of the year, I want to encourage you to give a gift that contributes to a strong bottom in the marriage. And if you feel like it doesn't look very "fun," wrap it in a glass pitcher. :)

Here are a few books I think make great gifts for engaged or newly married couples:


(I am linked as an Amazon affiliate, so if you make a purchase after clicking from Come Have a Peace, I do get a small % to help with blog costs.)

Marriage Mondays: Are you a doormat?

Are you worried that if you put your husband's needs above your own, you'll someday look up and realize you're a doormat? The United States exports ideas to other cultures, and our thoughts about women are sweeping the rising culture of India where 1.2 billion people live. During our Global Impact Conference last week, one of our partners from India shared with me about the trend among young Indian women who embrace the image of power, assertiveness, and independence. In a country dealing with poverty and human rights, a new generation of women wants to be sure they do not become the doormats of the future. Does God ever say He values the "doormat" quality of a woman?

For our Conference, we hosted a couple from Thailand last week, and since their diet is very different from ours, we try to help them feel at home. That meant noodles for breakfast. :) We love them so much. One morning my sweet friend prepared breakfast for her husband as he worked, concentrating on heavy correspondence he was receiving from home. His mind was clearly far away, though his wife quietly put all of the food in front of them at the table. He didn't stop. She waited. He thought. She waited. His brow furrowed. She waited.

I watched and thought ... "I would be eating by now. Maybe he likes cold noodles, BUT I DON'T!"

She waited. Finally, he closed his work, and the two of them bowed together and prayed before they ate ... together. I told myself it was cultural. I told myself she didn't have to wait for him. I told myself he could've paid attention to her while the noodles were hot. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I should, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3). Sometimes that means patiently waiting out of honor, even if your noodles get a little cold.

My beautiful friend is not a doormat; she is such a strong woman of God who practices and exhibits her great strength by choosing to yield her rights and lift up her husband. Her man is a bold and mighty leader of his tribe, and I know that her willingness to honor him has added to his effectiveness, reputation, and joy.

God tells women today that He considers a gentle and quiet spirit to be beautiful (1 Peter 3:3-5). He's not referring to our volume at all, but referring to a heart attitude that yields, a humble spirit that counts others as more important than ourselves. Sadly, women in the 1.2 billion people of India aren't getting that message from the United States; all women around the world need to know God's timeless message of beauty. They need to know that there is honor in yielding.

"For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands" (1 Peter 3:5).  Be relieved that God isn't painting a picture of a doormat. He is painting the picture of strong women with beautiful, humble hearts.

• When you have the chance to yield to or wait on your husband, what are you most likely to do? 
• How do you think your husband would feel if you counted him as more significant than yourself?

A taste of the world!

Cooking is far from the usual in my kitchen this week, while we host our Global Missions Conference. My friend from Thailand showed me how to make an awesome stir-fry! I stocked up on quick lunch components to send off with the kids, since I know life is a bit crazy around here this week.



Last night we had all of the missionaries to our home for dinner. After an "American style" meal, two of our couples made us their national drinks: Cocido from Paraguay and Chai from India. The kitchen was busy with spices and strainers and dry tea mixes and couples doing what is universal ... trying to work together miraculously as one! The result was delicious, and we all enjoyed sampling the culture.

Jacob enjoying Terere with little MK Jordan 

We finished the evening with a time of prayer, shared in five different languages. It's amazing that God understands every tribe and tongue and extends His love to all of us. His heart for the world is not limited. The sound of voices lifting praise in the languages of people of the world ... beautiful.

It's a full and wonderful week here for us. We appreciate your prayers, and I'll look forward to sharing more with you!

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day 6: People of the World

Tonight we're picking up partners from Thailand who will be staying with us, and then our Global Missions Conference gets underway. It will be a week with a full schedule that will leave us with full hearts. Maybe my mind was already "here," but this Day in a Cafe seemed well timed ... even divinely timed. We appreciate your prayers for a sweet week considering the People of the World. 

We were kind of tired from a lot of serving and needed to get away to a quiet, secluded place to rest. Along the way, we found a new coffee shop. At the counter, a woman without a smile met us and took our orders. She asked if my coffee was to stay or to go, but she answered that it didn’t matter before I could say I wanted to stay. We ordered a Divine Bar to share, and she tried to give us the corner piece with a chunk missing. She makes me want to call this one a “store,” instead of a “café.” There’s a difference.

Out of the four rooms with wide oak trimmed doors, we picked a small table in a corner; the high stools gave a good view of the store. Except for the man with many papers, the rest of the store was full of couples. Maybe they felt less intimidated by the smile-less woman if they come in pairs.

The couple facing the door seems to be an interesting mix. She has long straight hair in the kind of scrunchy my kids tell me people wore in the 80’s. Her friend has a baseball hat and hip black glasses that make me wonder if he’s the special music tonight. They got mugs from the woman at the counter.

Not too far from the mismatched pair, a perfectly matched couple shares a single chair, piled on like a two scoop ice cream cone. I don’t even think they have coffee. They don’t act like they know they’re in a “store.”
Two women with a baby sit under the mantel, chatting like people who practice talking softly while a baby sleeps. From my view two other women pairs are deep in conversation. One twosome both have night black hair and slanted eyes, and they talk fast and close in a language different from any other in the store. Maybe they made the counter woman grouchy. Glasses and cups fill the table in front of them, like they want to settle in and stay for a while.

On the other side of the wall from the jabbering friends sits two women with salt and caramel colored hair, and they talk close but loud, in the language we know. While we share our Divine Bar, one lady shares all about her upcoming trip to faraway places. She feels a total confidence about traveling and gaining an understanding of foreign people, and she found a white head scarf at TJ Maxx, so that makes her feel like she’s “meant” to go on this journey of discovery. She knows she’s meant to experience the people of the world. Her girlfriend is excited for her and thinks “That’s great” a lot; they’re talking pretty loud. I don’t think they know there are “people of the world” on the other side of the wall from them, right here in this store. 

Come to think of it, the two scoop couple in the single chair is rather foreign acting. The baby with the ladies is jabbering in its language, and the man with the papers is definitely studying something. To be honest, the smile-less counter woman doesn’t seem like she fits in here at all; maybe she’s from a different place too. This store is FILLED with people of the world. The woman about to take a trip could start right here, and she wouldn’t even have to wear her head scarf from TJ Maxx. 

Jesus once went away to a secluded place with his disciples. They had been so busy with people they didn’t even have time to eat, so they needed a little “café time.” The crowds from many different places saw them leaving and followed them. Instead of blurting out, “For crying out loud, I’m trying to have a quiet and a cup of coffee,” Jesus acted so differently. “When Jesus went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and He felt compassion for them because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things” (Mark 6:34). When Jesus saw the people of the world He felt compassion for them. 


I’m not always like Jesus, especially when I haven’t eaten and I just want to find a secluded place. I should’ve smiled at the counter woman when she gave me the paper cup. I don’t have a white head scarf, and I’m not going to the same “so great” place that the caramel headed lady is, but I’m going to my life and to another café another day. I tossed away my empty cup and noticed everyone else in the café crowd had settled in with their ceramic mugs, these people of the world.

• Would you be willing to ask God to show you the "People of the world" around you? 
• And would you ask Him to give you the kind of compassion He has for them?

Marriage Mondays: 5 Perks of a Cafe Table

Since starting “7 Days in a Café,” I’m observing a lot more than just the depth of the whip on my latte. While sitting in a café with a young gal I’m mentoring, I noticed that most of the tables around us were occupied by couples. Not surprising … after all, it was the weekend before Valentine’s Day and a place known for its French crepes. Thus, the heavy concentration of couples.

The Nutella crepes may draw people in (YUM!); it certainly isn’t the comfort of the café tables and chairs. The seating is small, metal, and cold. I almost felt like I had to sit up straight like the Eiffel Tower so I wouldn’t fall out of my chair. I wanted to suggest to Monsieur Le Proprietor (I really don’t think that’s French) that they put a little cushion on each of the chairs and that they get bigger chairs. After all, no one who frequents a crepe café is going to fit on a teeny tiny metal chair. Just sayin’ …

The couples didn’t seem to care about the chairs. There were young ones and older ones and “how did they end up together?” ones. They each claimed a café table of their own, and I observed them. This is what I learned:

5 Perks of a Café Table

• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to share crepes.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to listen well.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to notice details about your partner.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to hold hands.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to feel private, and that leads to intimacy.

In our busy world it isn't easy to shut out what's around us to focus on each other and enjoy each other. It's God's plan that we should.  "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love" (Prov. 5:18-19).  By intentionally and physically drawing away and drawing close, we set ourselves up to rejoice in each other, to satisfy each other, and to captivate each other. You're more likely to have the opportunity to be be captivated at a table for two. 

When I was growing up my dad always asked for a “bigger table,” preferably a booth. That’s great for a group or for “Kids Menu” kind of meals, but a small café table has its perks. Next time you go out (and you should go out), whether it’s a McDonald’s or a pizza place or a café with a Monsieur, choose a little table for two. Don’t be shy about saying, “We’d rather not have a big table or a booth. Maybe something small, like at a crepe place.” You’ll be so glad you did.

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day THREE: Athena

I didn’t plan for this to be a “Day in a Café.” I was really just stopping for coffee. Truthfully, I was really just stopping to buy coffee to allow me to have a place to sit. After all, who wants to get to work a whole hour early? I needed a place to stop between school drop off and start time. To make it look legitimate, I got a buttered challah to go with my coffee, and I sat down at a window counter next to a stack of handouts about cholesterol and heart disease. I confessed the butter and opened my Bible.


“I always like to read my Bible over a cup of coffee, too,” said the tall blond highlighted woman beside me. She had a beautiful angular jaw and nose that made me want to say, “I think I’ve seen you before. But you were in a museum next to an engraving that said ‘Athena.’” I smiled through my chapped lips and told her I do too. She put her ear buds back in and went back to typing. She was probably blogging about the poor, aging, tired woman with chapped lips next to her at the counter. I regretted getting decaf.

I rifled through my Bible, searching for verses to share when my challah was finished and my work day started. “It is good that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces” (Psalm 119:71,72). I need to stop worrying about my dry mouth and think more about the law of God’s. His word is better than gold and silver or being like Athena.

I pondered, while my counter-mate typed until her phone rang. I didn’t try to eavesdrop, but Athena had a rather loud, Olympian voice to go with her nose. It seems her little boy was in the clinic, and she had to figure out if she needed to bail on her bagel and head to school. She drilled down to the real question: Did he just want to come home to play video games? Couldn’t he stick it out? I wanted to tell Athena that sometimes mortals just need to be home, especially when they’re little and doing big things like school. She smelled a mythological illness. He gave in and told her he would stay in class; I wondered how he really felt.

Athena immediately dialed a girlfriend and announced the whole scenario with a final, “Do you think I did the right thing?” She repeated the details like a second coating of butter on a challah and asked again, “Do you think I did the right thing?”

Satisfied, she went back to blogging “about me,” and I read, “Your hands have made and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments” (Psalm 119:73). I had to go to work.

“I’ll pray for your little boy to feel better today,” I said as I smashed up my trash and picked up my Bible. She smashed up her ear buds and turned to face me. “Oh, thank you. Do you have kids? It’s so hard to know what to do. Did you hear me ask my friend if I did the right thing? I hope I did the right thing.”

“I do have kids. Most of the time you’re going to do the right thing, and every now and then you’ll make mistakes. I’ll pray for you to know what to do today.”


Her phone rang. It was school again. He was back in the clinic. She mouthed to me, “I’m so sorry. Thank you. Thank you.” I mouthed back, “I’ll be praying for you.”

She smiled, and I smiled back. We all crave to be affirmed, to have others tell us we’re okay and the decisions we make are okay. Even Athena needs to know that.

• Cafe Challenge:  Ask the Lord to help you listen to the needs of people around you and give you someone who needs to be affirmed. Then trust the Holy Spirit to help you know what to say and thank Him when He does!

Marriage Mondays: Are Valentine's Green?

Does anyone out there have a green Valentine to give to your sweetheart tomorrow? I bet not, because Valentine's aren't green. Jealousy was never evidence of true love. In fact, a glimpse of a "little green monster" is a sure sign that something rotten lurks at the heart of a relationship. 

Whitney Houston contributed more than one iconic love songs in her time, some of which are the "soundtracks" of my early relationship experiences. Hers was the kind of voice that made me want to close my eyes and hold my arms out and spin around ... away from chairs and tables. ;) When she was found lifeless on Saturday afternoon, the media lit up with remembrances of her life and musical gift, overflowing to the Grammy Awards stage. Sadly, reporters that followed her rise to stardom noted that she was a "church girl" whose life took a wrong turn when her marriage to Bobby Brown became filled with jealousy that led to substance abuse and, ultimately, destroyed her gift and her life. 


Jealousy is not the color of true love. "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous" (1 Cor. 13:4a).  "For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" (I Cor. 3:3). No one gives a green Valentine, because jealousy is not the gift we give when we love someone else more than we love ourselves. It's not the gift we give when we are striving to show God's kind of love every day. Jealousy can creep up on marriages both famous and common, fresh and seasoned, young and old.  

Satan knows how to insert jealousy into a marriage:

• suggestions that we are not lovable
• suggestions that someone else is pursuing our mate
• suggestions that our mate is not faithful
• suggestions that God doesn't want our best
• suggestions that we have to guard something before our own heart

Is your heart turning ever so slowly green? 
Have you allowed jealousy to rob "your Love" of "your love?" 

A green heart will destroy us and the love we are meant to enjoy. Let's give our sweethearts Valentines this week, but let's not make them green.

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day TWO: Finding people

I'm disappointed in myself. This is a chain restaurant. No other way to say it. It's not interesting or unique. I bet you've been in one like it. You know ... pumpkin and cayenne colored walls, with accents of eggplant and a glass window in front of names like "Cinnamon Crunch" and "souffle." But the last 2 days I've been captive in meetings, and I needed the most convenient cafe today. I went to where the car line at school dumped me off. Panera.

Don't get me wrong. I love my souffle. Surprisingly, this cafe is full of men and meetings and laptops and open binders. I didn't know men liked pumpkin and eggplant so much. There's a man on the leather couch across from me who looks like he's actually been here for days. I don't think he's even touched his mug the whole time I've been here. I bet he bought it on Monday, and now it's Wednesday. I would think he's in a trance, but he burst out laughing briefly and then retreated into his ear bud and laptop world.

The couple beside me is talking about things like "functionality," so I'm not surprised when she brings back a tray with oatmeal on it. When they finishes eating, she offers to clean up the dishes. I wonder if she remembers she's not at home. Maybe she feels like she should clean up, because the man is wearing a shiny robin's egg blue shirt that was ironed in functional store. With so much talk about promotion and contracts and customers, I'm glad they met here where it's pumpkin colored. Their conversation moves to blogging, and I tune in ... she asks, "Have you ever seen a blog?"  Seriously? He says he has two, but he hasn't touched either one in a month.  Seriously? That's not functional.

A man in a well ironed out-of-date shirt sits down and scans the room with a gaze like a light over a movie theater at night. When a short man walks in, they say things like "David?"  and introduce themselves. Instead of souffles, they get coffee and jump right in to talking about job moves and positions. I think the short man needs a job, and it helps to talk about such things in cayenne colored rooms with eggplant accents.

The man in the 80's shirt says "Excellent," and I'm feeling hopeful for the short man. The lady and the man are using "ethical" a lot, and his voice gets more intense as he uses his hands. Maybe that blue shirt is Italian. She's talking about breaking copyright laws and getting legal patents. Maybe he's mafia.

The motionless man on the couch gets up, leaving all of his possessions on his couch. He took his mug. I wonder how often he's filled it since Monday.

Despite the colors and the coffee and the piano music playing overhead, a lone woman sits by the window, reading on her computer. (Only the man in the 80s shirt has real paper out.) The lady looks worried. Whatever she's reading, she's feeling disturbed ... alone. Sometimes it helps to get bad news out in public, with strangers, softened by the chattering of others and a cluttered leather couch that looks like someone else lives here with her.

Why do we do things, private things, hard things ... out in public places like this chain cafe with familiar colors and Cinnamon Crunch bagels? The seed of truth in all of us that knows ... 

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." (Eccl. 4:9-10, NLT)

No one wants to fall alone and be in real trouble. The man on the couch came here to be with others, even though he's plugged in. The lady with the bad news is starting to smile slightly. The short unemployed man is relaxing, and I hope he gets the job. And the Italian man in the crisp shirt seems to be listening to the functional woman who knows he shouldn't break copyright laws; he has a tendency not to clean up after himself.

We all long for companionship, ultimately to be the companion of God. But by sharing life together, we love each other on His behalf. He doesn't want us to fall alone.

Yes, two people are better off than one, and pumpkin colored cafes are good places to find and meet and be with other people. Maybe that's why the man on the couch wants to live here.

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day ONE

If you watched my first vlog, you've heard about 7 Days in a Cafe. If you got my last post via email, I'm not sure the vlog showed up, so click here to see what you missed!

So today is my first of the "Days in a Cafe." I'm at my most favorite coffee shop - The Remedy. I thought it was a good place to start to watch, listen, and learn about people and God's love for them. It caused me to think about what makes this spot my favorite ...

When you walk in, the wooden floors are soft and smooth, with the evidence of many feet from all walks of life. I'm barely through the door, when the barista Matt calls out, "Hey Julie!"  "Hey Matt!" I answer back. The February sun is coming in the full length glass front windows, and the light catches on the faces of each person spending a piece of their day here. The barista calls out to me to see if my decaf is okay, because he made it with decaf espresso; he knows I like it strong. 

The 30 something data analyst taking a break to house hunt on his laptop, the couple sharing a full pot next to the window, the older man in the khaki jacket leaning on the counter, and the couple strolling in with a new baby.  I guess they're on a date. We are, too, but our "babies" are taking Geometry and Spanish 3 tests today. The girls by the window are talking about Twitter and about politicians they've heard about who do foolish things; they laugh and move on to talk about the Cancer Society not supporting Planned Parenthood. As we all sit and sip our coffees, the song "Evil is Alive and Well" plays, and the two girls stop talking and just hum. The train runs by the back of the building and blows its whistle on the way to the bridge where homeless people hang out before dinner ... and after. The barista sings a little harmony with "Evil is Alive and Well," and the data analyst joins in. 

Except for the sound of the man in the back talking about the rise in earthquake frequency, it's really quiet. The barista actually has good voice. Someone walks in and shakes the barista's hand. The new man sits down at their table. The data analyst says, "Good to see you, buddy."  They talk about the Reuben sandwich up the street, and they ask us how much it is; they know Jeff had one this week. We all talk about what we like for lunch. We recommend what's good to each other. People come here, because here they're known. Yes, the coffee is good, but people are known, and that's really good.

People seem to be drawn to where we're known and to who knows us. God knows that. Matt. 6:8 says, "your Father knows what you need before you ask him." 

Can we take that sweet quality of "knowing" people with us when we leave the Remedy? Sometimes the floors of life are not soft yet from the polishing of steady feet. Sometimes the floors are rough or slick, and no one greets you when you arrive. Sometimes even church is like that, but what if we took that "knowing" with us when we go? What if we say "Hey" and use people's names? What if we remember things like how we like our coffee? What if we hum? What if we help people know what's good? What if we help people know WHO is good? God is good, and He knows us best of all. 



My first day in a cafe is almost over. It's almost time to pack up and leave.  The song has changed. It's not about evil anymore. Now it's "This is home. I've been searching for a place of my own ... " I think I'll hum that when I get up to leave, and I'll take it with me. It feels so good to know and be known. People long for that, and sometimes they go into a cafe to find it. Maybe they can find that with people who know God, and then maybe they'll find they want to know Him too. 


So good to know you,

7 Days in a Cafe

Here's a re-cap of the Life Off Line posts:

• Real Homemade Pancakes
• Teen Reality Check - Spending time together in marriage
• 5 Ways to Be Sure to Pray
• Are you resting? 
• How do you do w/mess? - marriage
• What's real encouragement? 
• 7 Real Habits of a Happy Marriage
• Real truth, real women, real life!
• God's Word
• Hospitality
• How to have a real fight - marriage
• 3 Ways to be a Real friend in a Virtual world
• Friendship
• News about on line friendships

So excited about February and "7 Days in a Cafe!" And NOT just about the coffee ... about what God will show me about His heart for people and how mine should follow. Join me?

Marriage Mondays: How do you do w/mess?

What makes you hard to live with? Are you afraid to go there? Even more afraid to ask someone else? It's not easy to face our "ugly spots;" we tend to want to cover up or stuff them. Real love doesn't back away from a mess.

Photo credit Flickr ~ Grace and Lily

I've been stuffing for the last six years.  In my closet. It's one of the ways I get a lot done. :) It's part of the "messy" in my Life Off Line. I just "stuff it" in there to deal with later. You can imagine where that got me! And can I say here that I fully intended to take a picture and show you, but it didn't happen, because ...

My Jeff really loves me, and he knew I needed help with my mess. He took his Saturday afternoon to tackle my mess. First he told me to keep in mind that anything to follow wasn't personal, a reflection on my worth as a person (he had a trash bag in hand), or his love for me. :) You may remember that when he helped with my pantry, I didn't respond with total grace. :/  So while I grabbed a Diet Dr. Pepper, he started emptying my vault. My first thought:  "Wow! I can pack a lot of stuff in a closet!"

It's hard enough to call a mess what it is, whether it's a closet, a habit, or a circumstance we've made, but it's harder to tackle  the mountain alone. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a candidate for "Hoarders," but that might only be because Jeff doesn't back off from a mess. A working friend is a blessing, and in marriage a spouse that will get dirty and make our mess their own is truly a gift. It's a timeless truth that, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor" (Eccl. 4:9). 

• Knowing we have to tackle a mess alone often keeps us from tackling it at all. 
• Our husbands are blessed when we allow them the privilege of meeting a need, lifting our load, and being our knight in shining closet organization. 
• They are helped when we come alongside them to help tackle their mountains with an attitude of humility and love, instead of criticism or belittling. 
• They don't want to see us standing in front of them with a trash bag in hand and a glimmer in our eye!

My closet wasn't my only mess, but it was a big one. I'll bet you have a mess somewhere. It may not be the shape of a closet. It may be habit-shaped or attitude-shaped or heart-shaped; whatever the shape of your mess or your husband's, real love won't back away. 

Today's Life Off Line Challenge:
- Ask God to show you an area in your life that needs to be addressed, instead of overlooked.
- Ask your husband if there's anything in his life that would be a relief to have help to take care of ... and then change your schedule to be his helper.

Marriage Mondays: 7 Real Habits of a Happy Marriage

One of the things I do "off line" each week is to meet with a group of young married ladies each Sunday night. Jeff meets with the husbands downstairs, while we gals gather upstairs. It's a sweet time of sharing, learning, and praying together. It's discipleship, mentoring, and growing together. We talk about what it means to be women who follow God and how that looks in our lives as daughters, friends, wives, and someday maybe moms. A couple of "my girls" have started to share with us that they're expecting their first baby, and I'm excited to go through this new part of life's journey together. I'll get to be with them as they become moms!

Today an awesome new online resource is launching to help moms in real life, in life off line. As part of the writing team of mentor moms at The M.O.M. Initiative, I'm working with my friend Stephanie Shott in our vision for moms to help mentor other moms. Check out The M.O.M. Initiative and share this excellent resource. 

Last night I asked my group of young wives what "real habits" they've found to be valuable in their early years of marriage. They've discovered some gems that will serve them well for years to come, habits that don't grow old in the blessings they insure. Here's what my girls had to say:

7 Real Habits of a Happy Marriage

1. Have breakfast in bed on Saturdays
2. Exercise together
3. Pray together in bed every night
4. Verbalize positives and affirmations often
5. Find activities the two of you can share
6. Eat dinner together at the table
7. No phones or TV allowed once you go to bed

1 Timothy 4:16 tells us to watch our "life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, for if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."

If we're careful to do and keep doing the godly habits of marriage that we have been taught, it will benefit us and those we talk to about marriage and family life.

• Have the good habits you once had grown cold? 
• Do you need a little stoking of the fire? 

I'm excited to say that my girls are off to a great start in real habits the will produce real joy in their pursuit of oneness!

Tasty Tuesday ~ Zucchini Bread

 
More than food comes out of the kitchen. In years past, it also stirred up mentoring, learning, friendship, accountability, wisdom, and modeling. Cooking and kitchens still make those good things, if we're careful not to ignore the rich resource of real friends and the fun of sharing real food together. And if we find an awesome recipe on line, let's share it with an off line friend!

Today's Life Off Line Challenge:

1. Make double a dinner & take 1/2 to a friend. Better yet, have them come share!
2. Ask a friend for a recipe or use one you've been given; make it; let her know how it turned out. She'll love it that you used her recipe!

So many of my best recipes come from great friends around the world. I love making something given to me in another state or country, savoring the thought of my friend, and praying for them as I cook. A sweet friend recently asked me for my zucchini bread recipe, so I want to share it here ... for my "local" friend and my on line friends here at Come Have a Peace. I hope you'll make a loaf & enjoy it for real! And let me know if you do. ;)

Julie's Zucchini Bread

(I first saw this at allrecipes.com & modified from there... )

Combine & blend:
3 eggs
1 c. vegetable oil
2 c. sugar
3 t. vanilla
2 c. shredded zucchini (take out the seeds 1st)
Add to that:
3 c. flour
1 t. salt (I use a salt substitute)
1 t. baking soda
1 t. baking powder
3 t. cinnamon
Grease 2 pans. (You can also line with foil, if you want to be sure you can pull it out without leaving "chunks" stuck in the pan.) Pour batter into pans and bake in a 325 degree oven for 45-60 minutes. Cool the bread in the pan for about 15 minutes before removing.
Other Zucchini recipes I've shared that you might like: (All can be made with frozen, shredded zucchini)

Chocolate Zucchini Bread
Zucchini Cake