Marriage Mondays: Making Marriage FREE!

EXCITING NEWS COMING TOMORROW! Be sure to stop back in to Come Have a Peace!

Do you feel like a prisoner in your marriage? There's the "prisoner of love" kind of captivity, and then there's the "trapped in shackles" kind of bondage. What has a hold on you? Maybe you feel like a prisoner because you are.

Today at Do Not Depart I'm sharing about finding freedom and staying in it. What better place in life to apply this than in MARRIAGE? If we're looking to break away from things that enslave and defeat us, the answer is found in Christ. Read my post about DO. GO. STAND.  So how about finding and keeping freedom in marriage?

DO. GO. STAND.  in the wonderful world of marriage.

Photo by David Castillo Dominici

Why would anyone want to be married, but feel empty and imprisoned? That kind of relationship is on a slow slide down the hill of corrosion. In a marriage like that, the relationships and life around them fall apart. God doesn't want us to live that life either; He purchased our freedom from what would enslave our marriages. He broke the shackles of bitterness, unfaithfulness, pornography, unforgiveness, laziness, lying, and every other sin that robs a marriage of its freedom. "You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men" (1 Cor. 7:23). If you want to stay together ... be free.

Freedom is in God's presence. You GO girl!  Go to God's presence daily to find the freedom from sin and hang ups that threaten to keep your marriage from being all it can be!

To have a free marriage, we have to live in God's Spirit and walk out that fruit daily. "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" (2 Cor. 3:17). Our flesh battles God's Spirit in us. If you want to be free .... stay in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:16-25)

Once we experience freedom, the challenge is to stand firm in it and not use it as an excuse for our own selfishness, dysfunction, or stubbornness. "Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God" (1 Peter 2:16).  Our marriages miss out on freedom when we return to our evil habits. "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery" (Galatians 5:1). Prisoners don't willingly go back to their chains.  If you've got freedom ... don't use it to cover up evil.  

Pray about DO. GO. STAY. in your marriage .... Would you be willing to ask God to show you if there are areas you're covering up?  Areas where you're not living by the Spirit? Ways that He wants to grow the freedom in your marriage? Freedom is found in His presence .... Go there. 

If you want to be stay together ... be free!
If you want to be free ... stay in the Spirit!
If you've got freedom ... don't use it to cover up evil!

A Psalm of Blessing for the Broken

Today at Do Not Depart I'm sharing about Psalm 103 in our Run to Him series. It's a Psalm of Blessing because of a Love for the Broken. The Psalmist called on all the souls in the whole community to think back about the benefits of being loved out of their exile and brokenness by the most gracious, loving God.

If you're looking back (or at) a history with scattered shards left by life's cutting moments, this Psalm will give words to your gratitude. It will freshen your heart's resolve to Run to Him when you have nothing or when you've been given everything.

Here's a glimpse ...

Every journey includes failures and fresh starts, and we all survive at the mercy of a generous, divine hand. You may not need a toaster or a can opener or gently used coffee table. But how have YOU experienced the benefits of the east to west, earth to heaven, fatherly love of God?

Read more here ...

Marriage Mondays: Are you a doormat?

Are you worried that if you put your husband's needs above your own, you'll someday look up and realize you're a doormat? The United States exports ideas to other cultures, and our thoughts about women are sweeping the rising culture of India where 1.2 billion people live. During our Global Impact Conference last week, one of our partners from India shared with me about the trend among young Indian women who embrace the image of power, assertiveness, and independence. In a country dealing with poverty and human rights, a new generation of women wants to be sure they do not become the doormats of the future. Does God ever say He values the "doormat" quality of a woman?

For our Conference, we hosted a couple from Thailand last week, and since their diet is very different from ours, we try to help them feel at home. That meant noodles for breakfast. :) We love them so much. One morning my sweet friend prepared breakfast for her husband as he worked, concentrating on heavy correspondence he was receiving from home. His mind was clearly far away, though his wife quietly put all of the food in front of them at the table. He didn't stop. She waited. He thought. She waited. His brow furrowed. She waited.

I watched and thought ... "I would be eating by now. Maybe he likes cold noodles, BUT I DON'T!"

She waited. Finally, he closed his work, and the two of them bowed together and prayed before they ate ... together. I told myself it was cultural. I told myself she didn't have to wait for him. I told myself he could've paid attention to her while the noodles were hot. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I should, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3). Sometimes that means patiently waiting out of honor, even if your noodles get a little cold.

My beautiful friend is not a doormat; she is such a strong woman of God who practices and exhibits her great strength by choosing to yield her rights and lift up her husband. Her man is a bold and mighty leader of his tribe, and I know that her willingness to honor him has added to his effectiveness, reputation, and joy.

God tells women today that He considers a gentle and quiet spirit to be beautiful (1 Peter 3:3-5). He's not referring to our volume at all, but referring to a heart attitude that yields, a humble spirit that counts others as more important than ourselves. Sadly, women in the 1.2 billion people of India aren't getting that message from the United States; all women around the world need to know God's timeless message of beauty. They need to know that there is honor in yielding.

"For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands" (1 Peter 3:5).  Be relieved that God isn't painting a picture of a doormat. He is painting the picture of strong women with beautiful, humble hearts.

• When you have the chance to yield to or wait on your husband, what are you most likely to do? 
• How do you think your husband would feel if you counted him as more significant than yourself?

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day 7: Not alone

When I reached the intersection it was almost like I was forced to come this way, instead of to the café I started out coming to. But I’m here. And as soon as I entered where it says exit, I knew why. I saw her through my rain covered windshield: the lady with the pony tails. Here. Miles from where I saw her at the last Day in a Café. Standing there with her cart, next to the bus stop. I knew I had to talk to her. I had to offer to take her … somewhere. I knew Jeff would say, “You did what?” when I told him. But it isn’t an option to ignore divine collisions.

 I parked, moved the stuff in my front seat, and zipped up my bag. I splashed through puddles to the sidewalk. As I came around a white Lexus, she caught my eye and looked nervous. I wanted to tell her I’ve seen her from the window of other cafes, that we’ve passed on sunny days, and that she smiled back at me once. But it was raining, and we were miles from our last smile spot. I asked her if I could give her a ride somewhere, and she stepped back. I noticed that her pony tails were tied with muslin cut with pinking shears. I’ve used pinked shears to make crafts. She toted two plain plastic bags in her cart, each tied tight in a knot. From under her coat I saw her red and black plaid skirt hang to her ankles. Up close, she looks so much older.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “I can take you where you need to go, since it’s raining.”
“No, I want to be alone.”

Really? I wanted to say, “Do you really? When you smiled on the sunny sidewalk, you didn’t look like you really wanted to be alone. Now you just look scared.”

Do we want to be left alone, or do we want to know God is with us? Does she know that a shepherd once asked, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me” (Psalm 139:7-10). The lady with the pony tails really can’t be alone. God is there, but does she know?

I withdrew to the coffee shop, so crowded that the chairs were all taken. A looking man saw that I didn’t have pony tails or a red plaid skirt; he smiled and said he’d be leaving in a minute, and I could have his leather chair in the corner. While I stood in line for coffee, I noticed that the lady seated nearest to me had a bag, too. But hers has dry, brown handles, and it says, “Starbucks.”

When I sat down, I looked out at the bus stop. The lady with the pony tails was getting on the bus to ride to … where? Maybe she’d just ride all day. She wouldn’t be alone then. But she wasn’t alone standing there either. When the bus left and the rain tapered off, a man with a cell phone and crowded key ring stood by his Lexus and talked. He looked like he thought he was alone.

I’m starting to think “7 Days in a Café” isn’t just a fun idea. I’m starting to think it’s a God appointed thing for me. I hope it might be for you too. I’m wondering what I’m supposed to do with it now that the 7th café day has come and gone. I’m wondering who I’ll see at the next café. I’m wondering what else God will show me about people. I’m a little nervous and a little excited. Most of all, I’m glad I’m not alone. 

Other posts from 7 Days in a Cafe ~
Intro - How it all started
Day 1 - People want to be known   (Known)
Day 2 - People want to be together  (Finding People)
Day 3 - People want to be affirmed  (Athena)
Day 4 - People want to be comforted  (Mac n'Cheese)
Day 5 - People want to see good things  (Watered down)
Day 6 - People want to find compassion  (People of the world)

Marriage Mondays: 50 golden years!

The U.S. Census reports that almost 1/3 of all American adults never get married. I'm in a rare group of American "children" - Last week my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary! That doesn't happen much anymore. From deep in the mountains where the roads are black satin ribbons in and out of the hollows, God brought my mom to where she met my dad, just outside of the Nation's capital. What a journey they've had in their 50 years. By reaching their golden anniversary, they pass on a rare legacy to me.

"According to the census statistics, more than half of the nation’s married couples have been together at least 15 years. About a third have marked their 25th anniversaries, and 6 percent have been married more than 50 years" (Washington Post, May 2011).

Today, fewer adults marry at all, and of those who do marry, they're usually older when they take the plunge. Let's face it, for two to become one as husband and wife, a real miracle has to happen. Marriage will not be without conflict, misunderstanding, and hardship. At a lot of those "crisis points," marriages fall apart; in working with married couples, Jeff and I have found that couples face unique pressure points at years 7 and 14. God doesn't want any of us to be stuck in loveless marriages. He wants to change our loveless marriages into miracles. The rewards of getting through the hard times are so sweet.

“But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10

Only 6% of all couples in the US today will get to the "50 mark."  Not many of us hang in there long enough to "come forth as gold" in marriage.  If you're in the midst of some of the squeeze of married life, are you committed to persevering?


Have you thought about what you want your relationship to be like at 50 years? In honor of my parents' 50th, take a moment and fill in the thoughts below, in anticipation of reaching your golden anniversary!

When we have been married 50 years, I hope we'll look back and see that
__________________________________________________.  I want us to know we used our lives together to _______________________________________________________.  I hope we'll know what it's like to _____________________________________________________ since we persevered in marriage. When we face the hardships that will come, I will look ahead to the _____________________________________________________ that we'll experience when we reach our golden anniversary. I want our oneness to leave a legacy that is _____________________________.

Happy anniversary to my golden mom and dad! And happy anniversary, sweet readers, in anticipation of being among those who persevere long enough to know the sweetness of being "rare!"

Marriage Mondays: 5 Perks of a Cafe Table

Since starting “7 Days in a Café,” I’m observing a lot more than just the depth of the whip on my latte. While sitting in a café with a young gal I’m mentoring, I noticed that most of the tables around us were occupied by couples. Not surprising … after all, it was the weekend before Valentine’s Day and a place known for its French crepes. Thus, the heavy concentration of couples.

The Nutella crepes may draw people in (YUM!); it certainly isn’t the comfort of the café tables and chairs. The seating is small, metal, and cold. I almost felt like I had to sit up straight like the Eiffel Tower so I wouldn’t fall out of my chair. I wanted to suggest to Monsieur Le Proprietor (I really don’t think that’s French) that they put a little cushion on each of the chairs and that they get bigger chairs. After all, no one who frequents a crepe café is going to fit on a teeny tiny metal chair. Just sayin’ …

The couples didn’t seem to care about the chairs. There were young ones and older ones and “how did they end up together?” ones. They each claimed a café table of their own, and I observed them. This is what I learned:

5 Perks of a Café Table

• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to share crepes.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to listen well.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to notice details about your partner.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to hold hands.
• If you sit at a café table, it’s easier to feel private, and that leads to intimacy.

In our busy world it isn't easy to shut out what's around us to focus on each other and enjoy each other. It's God's plan that we should.  "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love" (Prov. 5:18-19).  By intentionally and physically drawing away and drawing close, we set ourselves up to rejoice in each other, to satisfy each other, and to captivate each other. You're more likely to have the opportunity to be be captivated at a table for two. 

When I was growing up my dad always asked for a “bigger table,” preferably a booth. That’s great for a group or for “Kids Menu” kind of meals, but a small café table has its perks. Next time you go out (and you should go out), whether it’s a McDonald’s or a pizza place or a café with a Monsieur, choose a little table for two. Don’t be shy about saying, “We’d rather not have a big table or a booth. Maybe something small, like at a crepe place.” You’ll be so glad you did.

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day THREE: Athena

I didn’t plan for this to be a “Day in a Café.” I was really just stopping for coffee. Truthfully, I was really just stopping to buy coffee to allow me to have a place to sit. After all, who wants to get to work a whole hour early? I needed a place to stop between school drop off and start time. To make it look legitimate, I got a buttered challah to go with my coffee, and I sat down at a window counter next to a stack of handouts about cholesterol and heart disease. I confessed the butter and opened my Bible.


“I always like to read my Bible over a cup of coffee, too,” said the tall blond highlighted woman beside me. She had a beautiful angular jaw and nose that made me want to say, “I think I’ve seen you before. But you were in a museum next to an engraving that said ‘Athena.’” I smiled through my chapped lips and told her I do too. She put her ear buds back in and went back to typing. She was probably blogging about the poor, aging, tired woman with chapped lips next to her at the counter. I regretted getting decaf.

I rifled through my Bible, searching for verses to share when my challah was finished and my work day started. “It is good that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces” (Psalm 119:71,72). I need to stop worrying about my dry mouth and think more about the law of God’s. His word is better than gold and silver or being like Athena.

I pondered, while my counter-mate typed until her phone rang. I didn’t try to eavesdrop, but Athena had a rather loud, Olympian voice to go with her nose. It seems her little boy was in the clinic, and she had to figure out if she needed to bail on her bagel and head to school. She drilled down to the real question: Did he just want to come home to play video games? Couldn’t he stick it out? I wanted to tell Athena that sometimes mortals just need to be home, especially when they’re little and doing big things like school. She smelled a mythological illness. He gave in and told her he would stay in class; I wondered how he really felt.

Athena immediately dialed a girlfriend and announced the whole scenario with a final, “Do you think I did the right thing?” She repeated the details like a second coating of butter on a challah and asked again, “Do you think I did the right thing?”

Satisfied, she went back to blogging “about me,” and I read, “Your hands have made and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments” (Psalm 119:73). I had to go to work.

“I’ll pray for your little boy to feel better today,” I said as I smashed up my trash and picked up my Bible. She smashed up her ear buds and turned to face me. “Oh, thank you. Do you have kids? It’s so hard to know what to do. Did you hear me ask my friend if I did the right thing? I hope I did the right thing.”

“I do have kids. Most of the time you’re going to do the right thing, and every now and then you’ll make mistakes. I’ll pray for you to know what to do today.”


Her phone rang. It was school again. He was back in the clinic. She mouthed to me, “I’m so sorry. Thank you. Thank you.” I mouthed back, “I’ll be praying for you.”

She smiled, and I smiled back. We all crave to be affirmed, to have others tell us we’re okay and the decisions we make are okay. Even Athena needs to know that.

• Cafe Challenge:  Ask the Lord to help you listen to the needs of people around you and give you someone who needs to be affirmed. Then trust the Holy Spirit to help you know what to say and thank Him when He does!

Valentine Steamer

Here's some love for your Valentine's Day!

First of all, I have to share a "sweet" from my online friend Celia. She makes inspirational notecards, magnets, bookmarks, wearable art, and more and sells them in her Etsy Shop, celiacurrinart. She'll donate 25% of her sales to my upcoming Women's Missions Team to Thailand when customers (any of you!) enter (Julie) in the message to seller area. She's offering this sweetness until May 30th, 2012.  I would love for you to be inspired by her work and to support our team of women and girls to Thailand.  Thanks for the love Celia!

Here's a sweet way to show some love to yourself or a loved one today. It reminds me of the Starbucks Vanilla Steamer. Make a Valentine Steamer.

Valentine Steamer

• Fill a mug with milk (Lactaid also works if you're lactose intolerant.)
• Heat the milk for about 90 seconds in a microwave.
• Add a sweetener option:   1 packet of splenda OR 1 spoon of sugar (adjust to your taste)
• 2 tsp. vanilla extract
• Add 1 or 2 drops of red food coloring (or green for St. Patrick's day ... )
• Stir well. 

Optional:  Add a dollop of whipped cream on top and sprinkle with red sugar crystals. Love this touch on Valentine's Day!

Enjoy the taste of a little love today. ;)

Marriage Mondays: Are Valentine's Green?

Does anyone out there have a green Valentine to give to your sweetheart tomorrow? I bet not, because Valentine's aren't green. Jealousy was never evidence of true love. In fact, a glimpse of a "little green monster" is a sure sign that something rotten lurks at the heart of a relationship. 

Whitney Houston contributed more than one iconic love songs in her time, some of which are the "soundtracks" of my early relationship experiences. Hers was the kind of voice that made me want to close my eyes and hold my arms out and spin around ... away from chairs and tables. ;) When she was found lifeless on Saturday afternoon, the media lit up with remembrances of her life and musical gift, overflowing to the Grammy Awards stage. Sadly, reporters that followed her rise to stardom noted that she was a "church girl" whose life took a wrong turn when her marriage to Bobby Brown became filled with jealousy that led to substance abuse and, ultimately, destroyed her gift and her life. 


Jealousy is not the color of true love. "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous" (1 Cor. 13:4a).  "For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" (I Cor. 3:3). No one gives a green Valentine, because jealousy is not the gift we give when we love someone else more than we love ourselves. It's not the gift we give when we are striving to show God's kind of love every day. Jealousy can creep up on marriages both famous and common, fresh and seasoned, young and old.  

Satan knows how to insert jealousy into a marriage:

• suggestions that we are not lovable
• suggestions that someone else is pursuing our mate
• suggestions that our mate is not faithful
• suggestions that God doesn't want our best
• suggestions that we have to guard something before our own heart

Is your heart turning ever so slowly green? 
Have you allowed jealousy to rob "your Love" of "your love?" 

A green heart will destroy us and the love we are meant to enjoy. Let's give our sweethearts Valentines this week, but let's not make them green.

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day TWO: Finding people

I'm disappointed in myself. This is a chain restaurant. No other way to say it. It's not interesting or unique. I bet you've been in one like it. You know ... pumpkin and cayenne colored walls, with accents of eggplant and a glass window in front of names like "Cinnamon Crunch" and "souffle." But the last 2 days I've been captive in meetings, and I needed the most convenient cafe today. I went to where the car line at school dumped me off. Panera.

Don't get me wrong. I love my souffle. Surprisingly, this cafe is full of men and meetings and laptops and open binders. I didn't know men liked pumpkin and eggplant so much. There's a man on the leather couch across from me who looks like he's actually been here for days. I don't think he's even touched his mug the whole time I've been here. I bet he bought it on Monday, and now it's Wednesday. I would think he's in a trance, but he burst out laughing briefly and then retreated into his ear bud and laptop world.

The couple beside me is talking about things like "functionality," so I'm not surprised when she brings back a tray with oatmeal on it. When they finishes eating, she offers to clean up the dishes. I wonder if she remembers she's not at home. Maybe she feels like she should clean up, because the man is wearing a shiny robin's egg blue shirt that was ironed in functional store. With so much talk about promotion and contracts and customers, I'm glad they met here where it's pumpkin colored. Their conversation moves to blogging, and I tune in ... she asks, "Have you ever seen a blog?"  Seriously? He says he has two, but he hasn't touched either one in a month.  Seriously? That's not functional.

A man in a well ironed out-of-date shirt sits down and scans the room with a gaze like a light over a movie theater at night. When a short man walks in, they say things like "David?"  and introduce themselves. Instead of souffles, they get coffee and jump right in to talking about job moves and positions. I think the short man needs a job, and it helps to talk about such things in cayenne colored rooms with eggplant accents.

The man in the 80's shirt says "Excellent," and I'm feeling hopeful for the short man. The lady and the man are using "ethical" a lot, and his voice gets more intense as he uses his hands. Maybe that blue shirt is Italian. She's talking about breaking copyright laws and getting legal patents. Maybe he's mafia.

The motionless man on the couch gets up, leaving all of his possessions on his couch. He took his mug. I wonder how often he's filled it since Monday.

Despite the colors and the coffee and the piano music playing overhead, a lone woman sits by the window, reading on her computer. (Only the man in the 80s shirt has real paper out.) The lady looks worried. Whatever she's reading, she's feeling disturbed ... alone. Sometimes it helps to get bad news out in public, with strangers, softened by the chattering of others and a cluttered leather couch that looks like someone else lives here with her.

Why do we do things, private things, hard things ... out in public places like this chain cafe with familiar colors and Cinnamon Crunch bagels? The seed of truth in all of us that knows ... 

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." (Eccl. 4:9-10, NLT)

No one wants to fall alone and be in real trouble. The man on the couch came here to be with others, even though he's plugged in. The lady with the bad news is starting to smile slightly. The short unemployed man is relaxing, and I hope he gets the job. And the Italian man in the crisp shirt seems to be listening to the functional woman who knows he shouldn't break copyright laws; he has a tendency not to clean up after himself.

We all long for companionship, ultimately to be the companion of God. But by sharing life together, we love each other on His behalf. He doesn't want us to fall alone.

Yes, two people are better off than one, and pumpkin colored cafes are good places to find and meet and be with other people. Maybe that's why the man on the couch wants to live here.

Marriage Mondays: 10 Valentine's Gifts for Your Man

I'm pretty sure Jeff will never give me a commemorative Superbowl jersey for Valentine's Day ... because I wouldn't want it. He has a good grasp of what I love, and he knows "football jersey" just won't ever show up on my list. But this post isn't about how get our man to know what to put on OUR list of "happies." No, this post is about 10 Valentine's Gifts for Your Man. Do you know what your man really wants? What would shout "love" to him?

In talking about how older wives influence younger wives, they're supposed to "urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God" (Titus 2:4-5). Valentine's Day is a good opportunity to get busy and show kindness and love to our husbands, by learning what means a lot to them. It's pretty cool that in loving our man well, we honor the word of God!  Woohoo!  In case you're waffling between Couples Massage (shame on you ... just admit that's selfish ;) ) and a Pedi for 2, let me give you some other ideas to think about.

10 Valentine's Gifts for Your Man

1. Say "thank you for" and add on a specific ending of your own, like "taking out the trash so much," or "helping with the dishes," or "being careful with our money," or "going to church with me regularly," or "making me feel safe." Say thank you, and look in his eyes when you do it.
2. Touch him with intimate intentions. A little batting of the eyelashes is a nice complement to this one. 
3. Watch his tv show with him. Jeff is currently loving "Gold Rush Alaska," so I am hoping for the camps to bring in enough gold to make the summer a success ... right along with my man. ;) Don't call us Friday nights at 9 pm. ;)
4. Have an awesome dinner ready for him. This one will have to wait for Wednesday for me, but it will happen!
5. Put a little something flirtatious in his bag, brief case, etc. You be creative. Red IS a Valentine color ...
6. Go have lunch with him at his work place. 
7. Give him a direct invitation to intimacy. Deliver it early in the day via email or text or phone, so he can enjoy the anticipation, but then be prepared to deliver!
8. Speak well of him to another person.
9. Don't wear a whole bunch of flannel to bed and leave the door wide open "to hear the kids." :)  'Nuff said.
10. Ask for his opinion about something in your life ... work, kids' school, friendship, household item.

And hey, if all else fails, get a commemorative Superbowl jersey and wear it to bed. He'll probably like that too. ;)

• Tomorrow I'll be sharing a super easy Crescent Roll Valentine idea on Tasty Tuesday. 
• Later this week I'll be posting "Day Two" of 7 Days in a Cafe.

7 Days in a Cafe

Here's a re-cap of the Life Off Line posts:

• Real Homemade Pancakes
• Teen Reality Check - Spending time together in marriage
• 5 Ways to Be Sure to Pray
• Are you resting? 
• How do you do w/mess? - marriage
• What's real encouragement? 
• 7 Real Habits of a Happy Marriage
• Real truth, real women, real life!
• God's Word
• Hospitality
• How to have a real fight - marriage
• 3 Ways to be a Real friend in a Virtual world
• Friendship
• News about on line friendships

So excited about February and "7 Days in a Cafe!" And NOT just about the coffee ... about what God will show me about His heart for people and how mine should follow. Join me?

In the end ... Jesus gets the best room!

visualbiblealive.com

If Jesus' life began with an innkeeper that turned away the Son of God as Mary was in labor, His human life ended with a man who gave Jesus the best room he had.

Joseph of Arimathea was a "good and righteous" man. He also happened to be a part of he Jewish council, but he hadn't agreed with the majority who decided to accuse and crucify the Son of God. In fact, when Jesus breathed His last breath and yielded His life for those who had no room for Him, the man from Arimathea "went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Then he took it down and wrapped it in a linen shroud and laid him in a tomb cut in stone, where no one had ever yet been laid" (Luke 23:50-53).

What makes someone give his "best room," (Matt. 27:60), his "own tomb,"  to a man more despised than Barabbas? Joseph "was looking for the kingdom of God" (Lk. 23:51).

He walked with God. He was willing to stand alone for God's Son. He watched for the kingdom of God. He wanted to serve God. 

Without thinking of himself or putting his own future first, Joseph gave Jesus the best room.

Jesus gets the best room! 

Is Jesus getting the best room in your life this Christmas?

Below is a gift for you today as we approach the celebration of Jesus making room for us in eternity .... click on the illustrated visual to print this reminder. Via email, be sure to click on the post title to get your reminder.

Jesus Gets the Best Room

Tasty Tuesday ~ Thankful for friend meals!

On this Tasty Tuesday, I'm not cooking much myself, but I'm giving thanks for friends who have shared gifts from their kitchen to care for us while we've been in "survival mode." They inspire me to look forward to the next time my kitchen can be the place where I create a way to say "I care."

On Tuesdays we're inspired by the recipes we read
for soups and muffins, cobblers, roasts and things I like to feed.
But today I'm giving thanks for friends in giving of themselves,
From their kitchens and their pantries, from their mites and from their shelves.

It's when my cupboard's bare and when my body's at its weakest
That the dinner table's drafty and our menu is its bleakest.
But what a gift when friends come by with meals because they cared,
made of what speaks love to them, from what they had and shared.

It's such a help when food comes in a plastic box or dishes,
Delivered from a knowing cook, wrapped with her love and wishes.
The food is such a help whenever home is in commotion;
don't ever think it's not a gift. Who though of such a notion?

Kitchens are for things like talks and homework, bills, and reading,
a place for welcome homes, for parties, goodnights, hugs, and feeding.
Kitchens are for thinking and for lifting prayers above,
a place to do the work for meals to send to show your love.

(My favorite website for helping to plan a schedule for multiple meals for a needy friend is Food Tidings.)

~ When was the last time someone blessed you with a gift of food? November is a great month to "Bake & Bless!"
~ When was the last time you had the chance to bless someone else with a gift of food? 
~ Cold and flu season is near (Speaking from 1st hand experience) ... are you prepared to "care"?

Marriage Mondays: What's your story?

Today is the last of the 5 October Mondays for Marriage Survivor stories. I've been challenged and inspired, and I hope you have too. These women have taught me much about thriving in marriage, instead of just surviving.

Antoinette's Story

Julie's Story

Elaine's Story

Connie's Story

This weekend, though, I've just been "surviving!" Jeff is getting over bronchitis, and I've been in bed most of the last 4 days, alternating between coughing and blowing my nose. It's not exactly the stuff of romance novels, is it? But it's the stuff of real life ... and real love. And I hope it's over soon. :)

I had another survival story I wanted to share, but moments in between coughing are few, so let me leave you with a simple challenge .. and a chance to win the beautiful, final October giveaway provided by Antoinette!

How often do you think of your marriage story?
Answer these questions to help you reflect on the last of the October stories ... YOURS!

• How did God use other people and events to bring you together with your husband?
• What do you remember most about the day of your wedding?
• What created the most conflict or challenge in the early years of being one?
• Was there an early event that brought you closer together?
• Who has God used to mentor, teach, or encourage you in marriage?
• How have you both changed during your marriage?
• What has God provided for you together?
• What trials have tested your unconditional love?
• How have you faced temptation?
• What blessings have you enjoyed together?
• How do you hope to grow closer together?
• What kind of goals or hopes do you share for your future?
• How would you want someone else to write your story? Not a happy beginning? How do you want it to end?

We're all still writing our stories. Like any story, we all have our shining moments and our hard moments. Some hard moments are as temporary and as minor as bronchitis and viruses, but some hardships test our love, like those shared by our 4 women this month. The end of your story hasn't been written yet.



As the 4 women have shared, sometimes love is gut wrenching hard. Every marriage story is unique; every love refined by different circumstances. Let's finish with a blessing for surviving faithfully:

May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. Col. 1:11,12

To enter to win the final jewelry giveaway this month, just leave a comment here OR on the CHP Facebook page, sharing one thing that makes YOUR story uniquely YOURS. I'll share the winner Wednesday!

Marriage Mondays: Connie's Story

It's been a privilege to share the stories of some of my friends during October's Marriage Mondays. Antoinette started us off and has been so sweet to provide a giveaway set of jewelry each week. This week's set is perfect for the end of October. Find out at the end of today's story how to enter to win.


Today's story is a story of survival, but it's a story of surviving the heartache of disappointment, of a friend who gave her heart to a man, but never married. Connie came into my life earlier this summer, and her simple words of wisdom, deep faith in God, and spirit of encouragement have blessed me over and over. One day as I was taking Connie on an errand after she had a stay in the hospital, we talked about our life journeys, and she shared with me her "Almost-Married Survival Story." I benefit today, along with others, because of how she survived the grief that sometimes comes with falling in love.

Connie was in her early twenties and living in a rural area when she fell in love with a young man named James. In the miraculous way that oneness happens, the two decided to get married and spend the rest of their lives together. With very little money between them, James told Connie she needed to be patient and wait while he earned a "nest egg" for their life together. I'm not surprised that my sweet friend was content to be patient, trusting that they had many years ahead.

It was on an afternoon that was probably a lot like today, sunny with blue skies, that her sweetheart James and a friend decided to go for a motorcycle ride together. Connie stayed behind to prepare supper, and James told her he would be back in a little while. When time passed and the day grew longer, state troopers arrived at the house and approached the door. With supper ready, Connie couldn't imagine why they were at her house.


They delivered news she never dreamed of; James was involved in an accident and killed. He was never coming home for supper, and she was never going to marry the man she gave her heart to and waited for. She was heart broken. 


It's been about 40 years since the troopers arrived at the house with the awful news, and yet it was obvious that the memory and emotion are still fresh. When I asked how she managed to recover and go on, she said, "After James passed away I just decided I needed to take my love and give it to anyone or any little creature who needed tenderness and care in this ol' world, and that's what I've done."


And she has. A visit to her home includes meeting the dog she took in and the cat that her dog took in. ;)  Most of all, I've had the joy and "lesson" of watching Connie gently and tenderly reach out to hurting women at the Serenity Women's Shelter where we minister together. She finds the one who is fragile and needy and gently, tenderly, patiently extends her love and Christ's love. When sharing about a chance to pray with and for a broken young woman recently, Connie said, "She reminded me of a child that was starving .. it was for the faith and love of God." 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." ~ 2 Cor. 1:3-5

She waited with anticipation for the oneness and joy of marriage, but it was all lost in a moment. Instead of staying in her place of greatest grief, Connie was inspired to use her deep well of love and compassion to care for those in need. She's an inspiration and a challenge to me.


Has your marriage or your singleness brought disappointment or deep grief? How have you/are you surviving it and responding to expose God's glory out of it?

To enter to win today's giveaway, share a disappointment you've experienced in your life's journey, large or small, and how God has used it for good. 

Can you relate to Ethan?

I think I can relate to Ethan, and I am guessing you can too. Ethan the Ezrahite (ever heard of him?) was grieved because his loved ones were in distress, and he knew it was because of God's wrath against His anointed kingly line - David's family. Have you ever felt sick over the distress in someone's life, all the while knowing that God was chastising them and chasing them down because they wandered from Him? We long for our prodigals to come home, but we hate it when it has to hurt to get them to come.  

Now can you relate to Ethan?


Even when it feels like we're abandoned by God, His love and His faithfulness have not changed. What makes me (and Ethan) so sure? It's a covenant thing.


Next week I'm starting a new Bible study, "Covenant: God's Enduring Promise," with a couple of groups of women at my church. We're using THIS study published by Lifeway, and my early study is SO exciting! I'll be reflecting on one lesson each Friday here at Come Have a Peace starting Sept. 16, so if you want to order a copy and join me in the study, you'll have the bigger picture of what we're learning.



Knowing God has made a covenant with us (a promise, a pledge, a contract) gives us confidence to ask God to be true to His word. A covenant involves a choice based on love that is STEADFAST, a word used throughout this Psalm. God can NOT go against what He has promised. He can NOT fail; it would go against who He is. He says, "I will not violate my covenant or alter the word that went forth from my lips" (Ps. 89:34).  Even if we suffer and experience shame and pain as a result, like God's people and Ethan's loved ones, God still keeps His promises. That's why His people could call on Him to be true in Ethan's day and why we can call on Him to be true today.

 I agree with these words of Ethan's song:  "I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations." (89:1)

If you know what it is to be heavy hearted about a suffering loved one, even if it's the loving rebuke of a heavenly Father, call out to our covenant keeping, steadfast loving God. He listened to Ethan, and He'll listen to us, too.

Was there a time when you felt like God had turned away from you? What did He use to show His love?

Marriage Mondays ~ Is it this Simple?

I love simple fixes: Magic erasers, duct tape, cooking spray, lipstick ... :) It's good to have simple plans that are sure to do a job. When there's a problem to deal with, I like to cut through the excess and get to the answer that will make a difference. Can you relate?


Marriage is full of surprises and moments of inadequacy, but there's a passage in scripture that gives us a simple plan for what meets needs in marriage. Can it really be so simple? It's a great place to begin or to return, depending on where you're at in the miracle of two becoming one. As part of our month of studying Ephesians, I shared about this passage Friday on Scripture Dig, and I want to pass it on to you today as a reminder of a simple plan for marriage.



We were on our honeymoon when we fell into what Dr. Emerson Eggerichs calls the “Crazy Cycle” between a husband and wife. Jeff had worked hard to save, so we could indulge in special treats, but I was worried about spending what I thought might be our last two nickels. Before we knew it, he felt disrespected by his young bride, and I felt unloved by my tarnished Prince Charming. In Love and Respect Dr. Eggerichs says, “Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love.”

Perhaps our very nature prompts God to narrow down the key to sweet marriage with a single focus for each in 3 verses to wives and 9 verses to husbands. Husbands are to ... READ THE REST

This Linky welcomes posts that focus on Biblical truths and applications for marriage. Others will be removed.

Love your hometown through prayer!

We do something for love, one person at a time. But how about loving your whole hometown? How do you do it? Do you know that more than half of the world now lives in urban areas? How do you love a whole city?

On Wednesday before lunch, Lee Ann at my church sent me an email to ask if I'd seen the Facebook update of our local homeless shelter. I hadn't. She pasted it on the email, telling me about the crowds there this week & the great needs. I emailed one of our partners at the Ministry and got a list of needed items within an hour. I sent an email to hundreds of women at my church, and within 24 hours, a pile grew in the church foyer ... baby items, Clorox wipes, medicines, feminine products, games for children, and so much, much more. 24 hours after the first email, I was driving to my city with the gifts of my church family.  As Jacob and I carried the bags up the stairs, a man called out, "Did you give all this stuff?"  "No. It's all from my church.  We love you!"


More importantly, JESUS loves us! Giving to meet practical needs is a beautiful way to show His love.  What fun to get to be the driver of the delivery car!!!


Another beautiful way to love your hometown  is to PRAY.  On the last Monday of every month in 2011, believers in our area are meeting at various area churches for an hour (noon - 1 pm) just to pray for our city. It's called Pray for Awakening.  We'll ask God to show Himself clearly, to meet needs, to reach people, to turn hearts to Him, to give hope, to change us. I've called this city my "hometown" for almost seven years. We're praying for our city, because we love it. We love the people in it. It's something we can all do for love, wherever we live, urban, suburban, or rural. Do you love your community?

 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 

 Jeremiah 29:12-13

If you're in my area and would like to gather with us to pray, just come to Northstar Church (Info HERE). There's no program or agenda or welcome or bulletin, just prayer out of love. And if you love our city with me and wrote a post about this chance to Pray for Awakening in Knoxville, feel free to link your post below to help get the word out.

And if you're just one of my sweet readers of Come Have a Peace, but you have your own hometown, leave a comment here or comment on the CHP Facebook page to let me know where you are, and we'll pray for God to move there, too. Please join us on Monday as we love our city and Pray for Awakening. As we wrap up a month about "the things we do for love," it's a great way to finish!

Every day for love

This month I've had the joy of sharing some "extra" ordinary glimpses of love ...

• a mother's Love Before Sight about Sandra's adoption process
• the Last Bath about Melanie's love shown to her son, Andrew, as he passed away
• a Stranger's Love from Tara and the love shown by the nurse who cared for her infant son
• not the easy path, as Patty talked about loving in hard relationships
• what they did for love, the way a family honored their father, shared by Nancy
• and Love's Mess Factor, some of the truth about the hardships of loving

There are definitely times in life when love rises to the occasion in difficult circumstances, and these women all shared testimonies that have encouraged and challenged me to love well. Most of the time, though, love happens in small, unseen ways more times than we can count in a day. After these extraordinary stories of how women have loved, how can I fail to love in the many small ways asked of me each day? Here are the first things that came to my mind ...

• Make a meal for someone in our home who will feel taken care of
• Make a meal for someone not in our home will also feel cared for
• Text a friend who needs to know she's remembered
• Pray for a friend who is facing a challenge or fear
• Instead of muttering about someone's mess, cleaning it up to say "I love you" 
• Starting the day with a house that says "Bright, hopeful, supportive," before we go into the world
• Taking the cart back to the store for the older lady in the parking lot
• Saving a diaper coupon for a young mom at church, now that I don't need it
• Taking games to the family shelter, because all children need to play
• Turning off the laptop and making eye contact when I listen to someone
• Putting away my cell phone so I can talk to the cashier
• Getting up to fill my husband's coffee cup, just because I love him
• Shutting the door and sitting down alone for as long as I can hide to listen to my Heavenly Father

Usually doing something for love is so small and doesn't require a lot, except for setting myself aside. And the amazing thing is that when we practice every day for love, we're ready for the moments when it's extraordinary.

John 13:34 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Tomorrow I can't wait to share with you a way that believers in my hometown are "loving" our city. It's exciting! Maybe you'll love your hometown this way, too.


How does love look for you each day?