Wednesday, April 11, 2012

7 Ways to create a climate of sharing

When was the last time you borrowed something from a Neighbor? When my Neighbor was "Beth," I felt very comfortable to call or go over to borrow things all the time. But I don't have a "Beth" now, or I haven't found her yet, if I do. Maybe she's next door, and I don't even know it!


Convenience stores are neighbor killers.  Instead of putting aside our pride and putting down our guard to ask a neighbor to borrow something like a punch ladle or a cup of flour or an egg or a sled, we just run to the corner store (they're on EVERY corner in some places) or Wal-mart. Blessed are you and your Neighbor if you don't have access to convenience stores everywhere.

Proverbs 3:28
Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it”—when you have it with you.

O that we would be generous Neighbors. Maybe we're reluctant to borrow, because we don't want the Neighbor to get the wrong idea and start draining us dry by asking for things they need. If WE don't ask, THEY won't ask. Right?

Right.  And so if they don't even feel like they can ask for a cup of sugar, they certainly aren't ever going to say something like, "Things at our house have been really hard lately.  How do deal with life when you feel hurt and discouraged?" 

Maybe sharing our faith starts with sharing our sugar. 

7 Ways to create a climate of sharing:
  1. Take something "extra" to your neighbor (fruit, baked goods, potting soil)
  2. Tell your neighbor what you have that they are welcome to borrow
  3. Ask your neighbor to borrow something you could get at Wal-mart
  4. Return what you borrow asap
  5. When you borrow and/or return, use the chance to chat
  6. Bring up "the borrow" the next time you talk and say thanks again
  7. Run out of sugar

Monday, April 9, 2012

Marriage Mondays: Bedroom Boundaries

Do you ever feel like your husband is married to his phone, instead of you? Some people find it hard to disconnect from technology, especially phones, which are convenient enough to stash on a nightstand ... just to charge, of course. Is it hard for you to disconnect from your cell phone? Is it hard for your husband?

Last November, CNN contributor Bob Greene asked,  "Shouldn't we be spending less time checking and rechecking our many screens, large and small, and more time taking part in what used to be regarded as real life?"

Sometimes tech in intimate places causes problems; sometimes tech in intimate places covers up problems.

For a lot of people, distance from phones makes them feel like they might miss something. They're mentally creating status updates while in the midst of a conversation, or feeling the urge to "announce" all life events thru social media. Some spouses fight the urge to roll over and do quick check of Twitter or Facebook when they hear their phone vibrate or see the light of their screen. Have you ever stirred in the night, only to notice a blue glow coming from your spouse's side of the bed? Is it making you angry to fall asleep with Angry Birds? Some couples find the presence of technology in the bedroom interrupts their intimacy or at least stalls it or pours cold water on it.  Let's face it, it's not easy to be uninhibited when hundreds of followers are tweeting their presence.

If "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine..." (Song of Solomon 6:3a) then why invite someone else into our most private space to claim more than the nightstand?  Technology intruders claim our attention, our thoughts, and our affection.

Try these 7 bedroom boundaries
  1. Leave all technology devices (phones, laptops, games, etc) out of the bedroom. 
  2. Nightstands are off limits for phones ... even if they're just "charging." 
  3. Only the 2 of you belong in your bed ... leave the "followers" in the kitchen.
  4. If you're struggling with mental tech temptation, tell your spouse.
  5. Practice tech rest periods in the day; mutually agree on the "when."
  6. Model boundaries for your children; you'll do their spouse a favor.
  7. It's only going to get harder to set boundaries; don't wait any longer.

Boundaries guard opportunities for conversation, affection, prayer, and intimacy.  Remove the distractions to your love life and your quality of rest.   After all, you are your beloved's, and he is yours.  Don't share each other with a phone.

What boundaries will help your bedroom be all it can be? You'll sleep better with boundaries, and you'll enjoy your spouse more, too. 

Be sure to stop over to the Mom Initiative today, where I'm posting about 7 Springtime Ingredients for Growing Children.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The overcomer where you live

If garage door openers are neighbor killers, the answer is found at our mailboxes. Some houses have mailboxes in hallways, at community boxes, or at the edge of the road, so it's more efficient for the postal worker. The solution to the garage door opener problem is the mailbox.


It's the nature of our flesh to look out for OUR best. That's why we do what we can to get parked and inside our house as quickly as we can. 37 Seconds is all it takes me. Who wants to struggle with a heavy door, get wet, or have to walk far with groceries? Not this girl. I appreciate a time and labor saving device. You?

"Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor" (1 Cor. 10:24).

To seek the good of our neighbor, do we have to heave the door on our own? Not if you have a mailbox. Taking time to pause at the mailbox provides the perfect opportunity to wave, smile, be seen, or even chat that the garage door opener kills. It leaves room for an opportunity to happen. The mailbox helps us overcome what our efficiency spoils.

How about walking to your mailbox (instead of doing the drive-thru pull up motion), standing there to look through your mail, and then pausing to look around and pray for those living near you ... your Neighbors?  I wonder what might happen if you did.  Could you make yourself stand at your mailbox for 37 seconds? 
It may not win you a prize for efficiency, but that intentional mailbox pause will provide opportunity to seek the good of your neighbor. 

Tomorrow we'll look at Day #2 of the Ready, Set REACH! study designed to help prepare anyone looking to reach out to neighbors where they live or around the world. Next week we'll look at a couple more neighbor killers and how to overcome them. No mail is involved. :)

What else is keeping you from loving your near Neighbor?  I'm going to stand at the mailbox for 37 seconds and think about that ...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

37 second Neighbor killer

Neighbor killers are part of everyday life. Are they keeping you from your Neighbors? If you want to figure out Who IS my neighbor? then you need to know.


We have to make contact with our neighbors before we can actively care for them. Trouble is ... those of us who live in "developed"countries have worked really hard at finding ways to avoid that contact. Our quest for efficiency, privacy, and leisure has insulated us and made it easy to stay unattached. After all, contact can be messy. Would you admit to falling into "neighbor avoidance" tactics? It's not pretty, but I admit I have. Most of us haven't developed new skills to make contact in the new normal filled with technology and separated by fences and security systems and photographed by Google street view.

Garage door openers are neighbor killers. I just timed how long it takes me to push the button, wait for the garage door to open, back in, and let the door close again.  37 seconds. The neighbor next door didn't even have time to pull the curtains back. And I did all this without caffeine. This efficient, time saving device crushes contact with Neighbors near us.

Just let the Mission Impossible theme song play in your head as you push, drive, push, and disembark. It feels like an intentional plot to avoid Neighbor contact, but it's really just a sad side effect. If we aren't careful, we move from desiring efficiency to despising our Neighbors. We may hope they don't see us, stop us, or want to talk to us. Our desire to control our time may invite an attitude that despises anyone who could stop us during the 37 seconds it takes to disappear. 

Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor. Do they not go astray who devise evil? Those who devise good meet steadfast love and faithfulness. (Prov. 14:21-22)


Now I'm not saying you shouldn't have a garage or a door opener or caffeine. I'm saying that being aware of our habits and how they change life with our Neighbors helps us OVERCOME the KILLERS.  Instead of letting our control device (aka garage door opener) call the shots, we can be generous with our time and attention and "devise good" for our Neighbor. The bonus is that we experience God's faithful love when we do good to others, and that's even better than a garage door opener.

Tomorrow I want to encourage you to use something you already have as an overcomer to this menace. After all, when it comes to neighbors and Neighbors, we've been challenged:
"Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor" (1 Cor. 10:24).


Until then, I dare you to time yourself and see how long it takes to disappear inside your house. And if you are blessed not to have a garage, here's permission to be a momentary "creeper" and count while someone else pulls into theirs or just parks and goes inside their house. :) But you'll have to be fast. Phantom Neighbors pull in and disappear before you ever even see their face, know their name, or catch a glimpse of why you should care.

Tomorrow ... the overcomer!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Who IS my neighbor?

Aren't you glad that when God talks about our "neighbor," He usually doesn't mean our "Neighbor?" He means anyone we live around and happen to meet. In the developed countries of the world, most of us have reached the place where we're so advanced that we can avoid "happening to meet" our actual Neighbors, and that helps us feel like we're off the hook when it comes to being "neighborly towards Neighbors. We can focus, instead, on that cashier we meet at the store, the guy in the cubicle beside us, or the vendor at the Farmers Market.  

Seriously, it's so much easier to be neighborly to people we don't actually live beside, isn't it?

The warm weather in our region has been bringing the Neighbors out to walk and mow like ants at a picnic. Most of the time, there's about a 20 second window of time to see and greet Neighbors when they pause at the mailbox while the garage door goes up and then they pull in only to be eaten up by the garage door and disappear. It's actually easy to excuse ourselves from reaching neighbors that are our Neighbors for reasons like:
  1. They're so busy, and so are we. We just don't have time to know each other.
  2. Our life is so full of information; no one wants to add more relationships.
  3. In a time of crime and stalkers, how can you trust  people?
  4. We don't have front porches anymore, so people don't talk.
  5. He wears boxers to the mailbox ... how would I ever approach HIM?
  6. Their dog is driving me crazy; I don't want them to think I'm okay with it.
  7. I don't know their language; they would probably be uncomfortable.
  8. If they would mow their grass every now and then, I would like them more.
  9. They travel all the time; when could I catch them at home? 
  10. They just pull in and out of their garage, so I don't have a chance to talk to them. 

We might even play the scripture card and say we don't want to have a bad testimony, so we leave our Neighbors alone:   "Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you" (Prov. 25:17) 

Not to minimize the cashier or the cubicle dweller or the farmer, but our Neighbor IS also our neighbor.  I came up with these excuses, because I think I've used a few of them.

"Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense..." (Prov. 11:12a). Maybe by ignoring or neglecting our Neighbors, we belittle them and reveal our own lack or wisdom. I think I've been belittling my Neighbors. Am I the only one? Even Mister Rogers had the wisdom to teach children to ask the questions, "Who are the people in your neighborhood?"  and "Won't you be my neighbor?"

We're not likely to care about or know how to reach the neighbors around us if we don't care about or reach out to the Neighbors beside us. That may mean stepping out of our comfort zone, creating a new normal, and changing the standard we've created in the months of years we've lived in our neighborhood. It might even mean having our kindness rejected or ignored. But we are called to love our neighbors, and that includes our Neighbors.

We're going to take the next weeks to talk about what to do with our Neighbors. I'll still be sharing Marriage Mondays and Tasty Tuesday, but in the middle of the weeks, we'll take a look at learning to love our actual Neighbors. Then on Fridays, I have something I'm excited to invite you to do with me, and I'll take the cover off of that pot this Friday.

Praying you'll make the most of your 20 seconds today or that you'll get out with the other ants for a walk.
  • Do you know who lives around you? Their names? 
  • How long has it been since you've spoken to your Neighbors? 
  • Do you use one of my excuses, or do you have a creative one of your own? ;)

Monday, March 19, 2012

Marriage Mondays: Bottoms Up!

June traditionally has the most weddings, which means we're right on the doorstep of bridal shower season. I got TWELVE glass pitchers as wedding gifts! Isn't it strange that we spend so much time registering for, acquiring, and arranging things to make our "happily ever after" look good on top, but we don't do much to build its foundation? I don't think I've ever seen a single book on a gift list, and no one has EVER asked for $ towards a first marriage retreat. I shudder to think of the ratio of time spent on pre-marital counseling compared to time spent shopping, in showers, registering, and wedding planning. I could do a lot of pouring drinks when I got married, but I don't think I had much of a clue about how to refresh my husband's spirit. Why don't we invest more in the foundations of marriage?

Saturday night Jeff and I were invited over to our friends' home for a cookout. After dinner we toured the "man cave," where our Mr. Friend has just started building a boat (Mrs. Friend is totally supportive, so stay with me). When we opened the door to the shop, I expected to see a frame that said, "Boat." Instead, I saw some odd looking boards and architectural drawings. Closer inspection and lots of questions revealed that you build a boat from the bottom up. In fact, he'll build the bottom and then flip it to build top later. Turns out that the most important part of building a boat is the bottom, even though what we see is everything on top.

Our friends have invited us to come and go on a boat ride ... in 3 years when the boat is done. I'm really glad he's giving so much time and attention to the bottom, because even if a boat looks good on top, a weak bottomed boat is destined to sink. In the same way, a weak bottomed marriage is headed for a rough ride and possible sinking.

Is a wedding or a shower is on your calendar, leading up to the "most married month" of the year, I want to encourage you to give a gift that contributes to a strong bottom in the marriage. And if you feel like it doesn't look very "fun," wrap it in a glass pitcher. :)

Here are a few books I think make great gifts for engaged or newly married couples:


(I am linked as an Amazon affiliate, so if you make a purchase after clicking from Come Have a Peace, I do get a small % to help with blog costs.)

Thursday, March 1, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day 7: Not alone

When I reached the intersection it was almost like I was forced to come this way, instead of to the café I started out coming to. But I’m here. And as soon as I entered where it says exit, I knew why. I saw her through my rain covered windshield: the lady with the pony tails. Here. Miles from where I saw her at the last Day in a Café. Standing there with her cart, next to the bus stop. I knew I had to talk to her. I had to offer to take her … somewhere. I knew Jeff would say, “You did what?” when I told him. But it isn’t an option to ignore divine collisions.

 I parked, moved the stuff in my front seat, and zipped up my bag. I splashed through puddles to the sidewalk. As I came around a white Lexus, she caught my eye and looked nervous. I wanted to tell her I’ve seen her from the window of other cafes, that we’ve passed on sunny days, and that she smiled back at me once. But it was raining, and we were miles from our last smile spot. I asked her if I could give her a ride somewhere, and she stepped back. I noticed that her pony tails were tied with muslin cut with pinking shears. I’ve used pinked shears to make crafts. She toted two plain plastic bags in her cart, each tied tight in a knot. From under her coat I saw her red and black plaid skirt hang to her ankles. Up close, she looks so much older.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “I can take you where you need to go, since it’s raining.”
“No, I want to be alone.”

Really? I wanted to say, “Do you really? When you smiled on the sunny sidewalk, you didn’t look like you really wanted to be alone. Now you just look scared.”

Do we want to be left alone, or do we want to know God is with us? Does she know that a shepherd once asked, “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, even there Your hand will lead me, and Your right hand will lay hold of me” (Psalm 139:7-10). The lady with the pony tails really can’t be alone. God is there, but does she know?

I withdrew to the coffee shop, so crowded that the chairs were all taken. A looking man saw that I didn’t have pony tails or a red plaid skirt; he smiled and said he’d be leaving in a minute, and I could have his leather chair in the corner. While I stood in line for coffee, I noticed that the lady seated nearest to me had a bag, too. But hers has dry, brown handles, and it says, “Starbucks.”

When I sat down, I looked out at the bus stop. The lady with the pony tails was getting on the bus to ride to … where? Maybe she’d just ride all day. She wouldn’t be alone then. But she wasn’t alone standing there either. When the bus left and the rain tapered off, a man with a cell phone and crowded key ring stood by his Lexus and talked. He looked like he thought he was alone.

I’m starting to think “7 Days in a Café” isn’t just a fun idea. I’m starting to think it’s a God appointed thing for me. I hope it might be for you too. I’m wondering what I’m supposed to do with it now that the 7th café day has come and gone. I’m wondering who I’ll see at the next café. I’m wondering what else God will show me about people. I’m a little nervous and a little excited. Most of all, I’m glad I’m not alone. 

Other posts from 7 Days in a Cafe ~
Intro - How it all started
Day 1 - People want to be known   (Known)
Day 2 - People want to be together  (Finding People)
Day 3 - People want to be affirmed  (Athena)
Day 4 - People want to be comforted  (Mac n'Cheese)
Day 5 - People want to see good things  (Watered down)
Day 6 - People want to find compassion  (People of the world)


Thursday, February 23, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day 6: People of the World

Tonight we're picking up partners from Thailand who will be staying with us, and then our Global Missions Conference gets underway. It will be a week with a full schedule that will leave us with full hearts. Maybe my mind was already "here," but this Day in a Cafe seemed well timed ... even divinely timed. We appreciate your prayers for a sweet week considering the People of the World. 

We were kind of tired from a lot of serving and needed to get away to a quiet, secluded place to rest. Along the way, we found a new coffee shop. At the counter, a woman without a smile met us and took our orders. She asked if my coffee was to stay or to go, but she answered that it didn’t matter before I could say I wanted to stay. We ordered a Divine Bar to share, and she tried to give us the corner piece with a chunk missing. She makes me want to call this one a “store,” instead of a “café.” There’s a difference.

Out of the four rooms with wide oak trimmed doors, we picked a small table in a corner; the high stools gave a good view of the store. Except for the man with many papers, the rest of the store was full of couples. Maybe they felt less intimidated by the smile-less woman if they come in pairs.

The couple facing the door seems to be an interesting mix. She has long straight hair in the kind of scrunchy my kids tell me people wore in the 80’s. Her friend has a baseball hat and hip black glasses that make me wonder if he’s the special music tonight. They got mugs from the woman at the counter.

Not too far from the mismatched pair, a perfectly matched couple shares a single chair, piled on like a two scoop ice cream cone. I don’t even think they have coffee. They don’t act like they know they’re in a “store.”
Two women with a baby sit under the mantel, chatting like people who practice talking softly while a baby sleeps. From my view two other women pairs are deep in conversation. One twosome both have night black hair and slanted eyes, and they talk fast and close in a language different from any other in the store. Maybe they made the counter woman grouchy. Glasses and cups fill the table in front of them, like they want to settle in and stay for a while.

On the other side of the wall from the jabbering friends sits two women with salt and caramel colored hair, and they talk close but loud, in the language we know. While we share our Divine Bar, one lady shares all about her upcoming trip to faraway places. She feels a total confidence about traveling and gaining an understanding of foreign people, and she found a white head scarf at TJ Maxx, so that makes her feel like she’s “meant” to go on this journey of discovery. She knows she’s meant to experience the people of the world. Her girlfriend is excited for her and thinks “That’s great” a lot; they’re talking pretty loud. I don’t think they know there are “people of the world” on the other side of the wall from them, right here in this store. 

Come to think of it, the two scoop couple in the single chair is rather foreign acting. The baby with the ladies is jabbering in its language, and the man with the papers is definitely studying something. To be honest, the smile-less counter woman doesn’t seem like she fits in here at all; maybe she’s from a different place too. This store is FILLED with people of the world. The woman about to take a trip could start right here, and she wouldn’t even have to wear her head scarf from TJ Maxx. 

Jesus once went away to a secluded place with his disciples. They had been so busy with people they didn’t even have time to eat, so they needed a little “café time.” The crowds from many different places saw them leaving and followed them. Instead of blurting out, “For crying out loud, I’m trying to have a quiet and a cup of coffee,” Jesus acted so differently. “When Jesus went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and He felt compassion for them because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and He began to teach them many things” (Mark 6:34). When Jesus saw the people of the world He felt compassion for them. 


I’m not always like Jesus, especially when I haven’t eaten and I just want to find a secluded place. I should’ve smiled at the counter woman when she gave me the paper cup. I don’t have a white head scarf, and I’m not going to the same “so great” place that the caramel headed lady is, but I’m going to my life and to another café another day. I tossed away my empty cup and noticed everyone else in the café crowd had settled in with their ceramic mugs, these people of the world.

  • Would you be willing to ask God to show you the "People of the world" around you? 
  • And would you ask Him to give you the kind of compassion He has for them?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day FIVE: Watered Down

I’m not here because their coffee is one of my favorites. It always tastes like they watered it down to take away the bite. But it offers one of my favorite views: the Downtown Grind, in a building called the Phoenix. There’s a lone worker here, and she moves back and forth from the coffee shop side to the dry cleaner pick up side. No one else is here, and I’ll be surprised if anyone else comes in, but many will go by.

I’m wrong. A man with a Civil War style vest and a beard to go with it comes in and orders a medium coffee, with very good manners I might add. He doesn’t sit down. That’s probably because the Downtown Grind puts on “to go” lids so people can keep moving. I took the lid off of my cup, because I plan to sit and watch and listen. From this window framed year ‘round by white Christmas lights, I see the world pass.

A man with a long backpack walks past the untitled store across the street; it’s decorated with lottery posters saying “Play Here.” He didn’t follow the neon light inside like a bug would, but I wonder if he has before, since he’s wearing bare feet and sandals on a day when people took their scarves and pea coats out. He looks like he would like to find a place to sit called “the Phoenix,” but watching the world would just be a bonus.

A long brown coat walks by with a man inside, and I recognize him as a local reporter who writes about people. A sweatshirt with a man in it walks by, and he looks strangely like the bearded, vested man; with so much variety outside of this window, how do we end up being so much the same? The sweatshirt carries a camera, and I wonder who and what he wants to capture. If he hurries he might catch the bare footed man. If he waits long enough, he might see the smiling Asian lady with pony tails, pushing her cart down the stage in front of me. He might see the tall, dark corner-dancing man who sometimes wears slippers and totes a brown furry puppy backpack.

A police officer walks by, and his flapping ticket pad catches my eye. It makes me feel like I should move my car, even though I’m not parked illegally. People think it’s hard to park here, but that’s just because their understanding of the downtown grind is watered down. It’s not hard to park, but someone with a puppy backpack might stand on the corner near your car.

Jesus wants us to know how much He wants us to resist hanging up lights to make ourselves feel better about the view. He said that, “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matt. 25:40). Lots of the least pass by this tall window in the Phoenix.

A man outside the window now walks by with a slow and rhythmic pace, like he’s going to be walking all day. He’s got a pack on his back and a duffel bag around his chest, and he’s talking to himself, because no one else is with him. If he sits down with his backpack and duffel, the pad toting policeman will tell him to move. If he had a cup from the Downtown Grind, he might be allowed to sit at one of their tables …. even though it is too cold for bare feet. The herd of business people who just passed could stop wherever they want or sit wherever they want, because they don’t do things like where pony tails or go out without socks in February.
I wonder if the lady who passes between pressed shirts and pressed coffees all day sees the world passing or if it’s just become wallpaper in her day, like her watered down coffee. Do I see the world passing when I’m not looking out of a big window framed by Christmas lights? What’s in the wallpaper around me? Who’s in the wallpaper?

Maybe I’m alone in this Downtown Grind because this window’s view isn’t always pleasant; maybe there are Christmas lights because it waters down the scene. People feel uncomfortable with ugliness, so it’s our instinct not to go or look there, not to leave the window unframed. If all else fails we might water it down. That way, there’s not a lot of bite.

The lady in pony tails walks by, and I feel like I know her. She’s walking faster than usual, probably because it’s cold. It’s going to get colder tonight and tomorrow and the next day, and there’s no way to water that down.

Do you see the least from the window where you sit?

Friday, February 17, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day FOUR: Mac n' Cheese

This café drew me here out of curiosity. I wouldn’t want to write if I had to be here, so this is my chance just to come here for the café. I’ve been here before when I wasn’t thinking about writing or sitting. A sign hanging near a wall sized photo of a hot air balloon pointed to the coffee shop, along with a place called “Radiology.” The hot air balloon is meant to camouflage what the building really is. When I found the café, it had no chairs. People here don’t want to get coffee and sit and linger; they want to get it and take it back up to the chairs next to small people who look like their own childhood pictures and have nicknames only they use. At Children’s Hospital the café is just for coffee to go. 

But I did want to sit and linger, and I was even hungry for more than coffee, so I came to the cafe-teria, the place where they make jello to send upstairs. There aren’t many children here, but there are grown ups in scrubs decorated with kittens and hearts. No one seems to think that rainbow colored head coverings are out of place here. Someone I don’t see throws around God’s name like a menu item, and it seems really wrong to do so in a place like this. Of all places, God’s name shouldn’t be blurted out like stepping on a ketchup packet. It should be used with care and leaned on and injected into everything. A table full of colored scrub-wearers talks about car trouble, and the youngest diagnoses an alternator problem. The people here are used to listing symptoms and diagnosing sickness. Most of them.

A young couple wanders in through the tables of scrubs, carrying a small blond boy, and the mom is obviously carrying another baby inside. They put chicken nuggets and a big wedge of white cake in front of their toddler at the table beside me; it’s okay to give your toddler cake when you need to make life’s hard things a little easier. From out of his camouflage diaper bag they give him a bright green sippy cup, the color of a strong growing sprout that’s going to burst out with life. Maybe he’s not such a strong sprout. He sits on the table, and they let him. Sometimes sitting on the table in a café really doesn’t seem to matter. I wonder why they’re here and if they thought they would ever be here. No one wants to have to come to this café or get their coffee to go. We want to sit and linger.

The table of scrubs can’t resist talking to the blond table sitter. A much older boy takes a seat behind them, and I wonder if he has to wear an armband or if someone he loves wears one. A smiling scrub-wearer walks by the new boy’s table and asks the boy how he’s feeling. He must have the arm band. Kids who come to this café are different than others, but they’re the same too. He has French fries like any other boy in a baseball hat with glasses. That’s why the Daddy at the table next door is growling and laughing and tickling and making the little boy’s voice sound like a washer on agitate. 

I’m glad they sell more than coffee here. I have mac n’cheese, and so does the lady on the other side of me, up against the wall. She’s checking her phone and studying her mac n’cheese. I’ve often heard it called “comfort food,” and I hope she’s finding comfort in there, because she looks tired. Sometimes we just need to be reminded that God knows our pain and cares. I hope she’s reading that in a text.

No one wants to come to this café. When people get married or talk about their future or look for a pink stripe on a pregnancy test, no one wants to come here. But the café is quite full now, with people who had to come or people who would come for people who need to. The cashier comes to the table of the boy with ball cap and gives him bag of candy that’s tied with a ribbon, and he gets up and hugs her. Is it a bag of camouflage or comfort? Maybe it’s both.

Alongside the wall, behind the lady reading texts and studying mac n’cheese, there’s a row of trash cans that all say “Thank You” and face the room of people. The promise that “those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed” (Prov. 11:25b) is comforting, and everyone here probably needs comfort every now and then. No wonder they make mac n’cheese. 

The blond toddler family is finished; the group with car trouble is finished; the boy in the ball cap is finished; the lady reading texts is finished. They all put their trash where it says, “Thank you,” and they leave. New people take their places and study their lunches. I hope they have mac n’ cheese. 

  • Cafe Challenge: Where are you going this weekend? Would you be willing to ask God to show you someone who needs to be comforted with a smile, a kind word, or a prayer? 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day THREE: Athena

I didn’t plan for this to be a “Day in a Café.” I was really just stopping for coffee. Truthfully, I was really just stopping to buy coffee to allow me to have a place to sit. After all, who wants to get to work a whole hour early? I needed a place to stop between school drop off and start time. To make it look legitimate, I got a buttered challah to go with my coffee, and I sat down at a window counter next to a stack of handouts about cholesterol and heart disease. I confessed the butter and opened my Bible.


“I always like to read my Bible over a cup of coffee, too,” said the tall blond highlighted woman beside me. She had a beautiful angular jaw and nose that made me want to say, “I think I’ve seen you before. But you were in a museum next to an engraving that said ‘Athena.’” I smiled through my chapped lips and told her I do too. She put her ear buds back in and went back to typing. She was probably blogging about the poor, aging, tired woman with chapped lips next to her at the counter. I regretted getting decaf.

I rifled through my Bible, searching for verses to share when my challah was finished and my work day started. “It is good that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces” (Psalm 119:71,72). I need to stop worrying about my dry mouth and think more about the law of God’s. His word is better than gold and silver or being like Athena.

I pondered, while my counter-mate typed until her phone rang. I didn’t try to eavesdrop, but Athena had a rather loud, Olympian voice to go with her nose. It seems her little boy was in the clinic, and she had to figure out if she needed to bail on her bagel and head to school. She drilled down to the real question: Did he just want to come home to play video games? Couldn’t he stick it out? I wanted to tell Athena that sometimes mortals just need to be home, especially when they’re little and doing big things like school. She smelled a mythological illness. He gave in and told her he would stay in class; I wondered how he really felt.

Athena immediately dialed a girlfriend and announced the whole scenario with a final, “Do you think I did the right thing?” She repeated the details like a second coating of butter on a challah and asked again, “Do you think I did the right thing?”

Satisfied, she went back to blogging “about me,” and I read, “Your hands have made and fashioned me; give me understanding that I may learn your commandments” (Psalm 119:73). I had to go to work.

“I’ll pray for your little boy to feel better today,” I said as I smashed up my trash and picked up my Bible. She smashed up her ear buds and turned to face me. “Oh, thank you. Do you have kids? It’s so hard to know what to do. Did you hear me ask my friend if I did the right thing? I hope I did the right thing.”

“I do have kids. Most of the time you’re going to do the right thing, and every now and then you’ll make mistakes. I’ll pray for you to know what to do today.”


Her phone rang. It was school again. He was back in the clinic. She mouthed to me, “I’m so sorry. Thank you. Thank you.” I mouthed back, “I’ll be praying for you.”

She smiled, and I smiled back. We all crave to be affirmed, to have others tell us we’re okay and the decisions we make are okay. Even Athena needs to know that.

  • Cafe Challenge:  Ask the Lord to help you listen to the needs of people around you and give you someone who needs to be affirmed. Then trust the Holy Spirit to help you know what to say and thank Him when He does!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day TWO: Finding people

I'm disappointed in myself. This is a chain restaurant. No other way to say it. It's not interesting or unique. I bet you've been in one like it. You know ... pumpkin and cayenne colored walls, with accents of eggplant and a glass window in front of names like "Cinnamon Crunch" and "souffle." But the last 2 days I've been captive in meetings, and I needed the most convenient cafe today. I went to where the car line at school dumped me off. Panera.

Don't get me wrong. I love my souffle. Surprisingly, this cafe is full of men and meetings and laptops and open binders. I didn't know men liked pumpkin and eggplant so much. There's a man on the leather couch across from me who looks like he's actually been here for days. I don't think he's even touched his mug the whole time I've been here. I bet he bought it on Monday, and now it's Wednesday. I would think he's in a trance, but he burst out laughing briefly and then retreated into his ear bud and laptop world.

The couple beside me is talking about things like "functionality," so I'm not surprised when she brings back a tray with oatmeal on it. When they finishes eating, she offers to clean up the dishes. I wonder if she remembers she's not at home. Maybe she feels like she should clean up, because the man is wearing a shiny robin's egg blue shirt that was ironed in functional store. With so much talk about promotion and contracts and customers, I'm glad they met here where it's pumpkin colored. Their conversation moves to blogging, and I tune in ... she asks, "Have you ever seen a blog?"  Seriously? He says he has two, but he hasn't touched either one in a month.  Seriously? That's not functional.

A man in a well ironed out-of-date shirt sits down and scans the room with a gaze like a light over a movie theater at night. When a short man walks in, they say things like "David?"  and introduce themselves. Instead of souffles, they get coffee and jump right in to talking about job moves and positions. I think the short man needs a job, and it helps to talk about such things in cayenne colored rooms with eggplant accents.

The man in the 80's shirt says "Excellent," and I'm feeling hopeful for the short man. The lady and the man are using "ethical" a lot, and his voice gets more intense as he uses his hands. Maybe that blue shirt is Italian. She's talking about breaking copyright laws and getting legal patents. Maybe he's mafia.

The motionless man on the couch gets up, leaving all of his possessions on his couch. He took his mug. I wonder how often he's filled it since Monday.

Despite the colors and the coffee and the piano music playing overhead, a lone woman sits by the window, reading on her computer. (Only the man in the 80s shirt has real paper out.) The lady looks worried. Whatever she's reading, she's feeling disturbed ... alone. Sometimes it helps to get bad news out in public, with strangers, softened by the chattering of others and a cluttered leather couch that looks like someone else lives here with her.

Why do we do things, private things, hard things ... out in public places like this chain cafe with familiar colors and Cinnamon Crunch bagels? The seed of truth in all of us that knows ... 

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble." (Eccl. 4:9-10, NLT)
No one wants to fall alone and be in real trouble. The man on the couch came here to be with others, even though he's plugged in. The lady with the bad news is starting to smile slightly. The short unemployed man is relaxing, and I hope he gets the job. And the Italian man in the crisp shirt seems to be listening to the functional woman who knows he shouldn't break copyright laws; he has a tendency not to clean up after himself.
We all long for companionship, ultimately to be the companion of God. But by sharing life together, we love each other on His behalf. He doesn't want us to fall alone.
Yes, two people are better off than one, and pumpkin colored cafes are good places to find and meet and be with other people. Maybe that's why the man on the couch wants to live here.

Friday, February 3, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe ~ Day ONE

If you watched my first vlog, you've heard about 7 Days in a Cafe. If you got my last post via email, I'm not sure the vlog showed up, so click here to see what you missed!

So today is my first of the "Days in a Cafe." I'm at my most favorite coffee shop - The Remedy. I thought it was a good place to start to watch, listen, and learn about people and God's love for them. It caused me to think about what makes this spot my favorite ...

When you walk in, the wooden floors are soft and smooth, with the evidence of many feet from all walks of life. I'm barely through the door, when the barista Matt calls out, "Hey Julie!"  "Hey Matt!" I answer back. The February sun is coming in the full length glass front windows, and the light catches on the faces of each person spending a piece of their day here. The barista calls out to me to see if my decaf is okay, because he made it with decaf espresso; he knows I like it strong. 

The 30 something data analyst taking a break to house hunt on his laptop, the couple sharing a full pot next to the window, the older man in the khaki jacket leaning on the counter, and the couple strolling in with a new baby.  I guess they're on a date. We are, too, but our "babies" are taking Geometry and Spanish 3 tests today. The girls by the window are talking about Twitter and about politicians they've heard about who do foolish things; they laugh and move on to talk about the Cancer Society not supporting Planned Parenthood. As we all sit and sip our coffees, the song "Evil is Alive and Well" plays, and the two girls stop talking and just hum. The train runs by the back of the building and blows its whistle on the way to the bridge where homeless people hang out before dinner ... and after. The barista sings a little harmony with "Evil is Alive and Well," and the data analyst joins in. 

Except for the sound of the man in the back talking about the rise in earthquake frequency, it's really quiet. The barista actually has good voice. Someone walks in and shakes the barista's hand. The new man sits down at their table. The data analyst says, "Good to see you, buddy."  They talk about the Reuben sandwich up the street, and they ask us how much it is; they know Jeff had one this week. We all talk about what we like for lunch. We recommend what's good to each other. People come here, because here they're known. Yes, the coffee is good, but people are known, and that's really good.

People seem to be drawn to where we're known and to who knows us. God knows that. Matt. 6:8 says, "your Father knows what you need before you ask him." 


Can we take that sweet quality of "knowing" people with us when we leave the Remedy? Sometimes the floors of life are not soft yet from the polishing of steady feet. Sometimes the floors are rough or slick, and no one greets you when you arrive. Sometimes even church is like that, but what if we took that "knowing" with us when we go? What if we say "Hey" and use people's names? What if we remember things like how we like our coffee? What if we hum? What if we help people know what's good? What if we help people know WHO is good? God is good, and He knows us best of all. 



My first day in a cafe is almost over. It's almost time to pack up and leave.  The song has changed. It's not about evil anymore. Now it's "This is home. I've been searching for a place of my own ... " I think I'll hum that when I get up to leave, and I'll take it with me. It feels so good to know and be known. People long for that, and sometimes they go into a cafe to find it. Maybe they can find that with people who know God, and then maybe they'll find they want to know Him too. 


So good to know you,

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

7 Days in a Cafe




Here's a re-cap of the Life Off Line posts:



So excited about February and "7 Days in a Cafe!" And NOT just about the coffee ... about what God will show me about His heart for people and how mine should follow. Join me?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Marriage Mondays: Teen Reality Check

Having teenagers keeps you humble, with a generous smattering of "reality" tossed in. It's part of my Life Off Line. Like this weekend, when my two teens agreed and informed me that "Women my age" would probably appreciate what I was wearing. :) I was just trying to convince them to take it easy on me, over my plate of Hibachi Chicken (which they were BOTH picking at), when I opened a fortune cookie and read to them: "Your family is young, gifted, and attractive."  I felt set up. :) They insisted I put the fortune on the fridge at home and went on to drop one liners about the wisdom of fortune cookies. At least it gave me a chance to finish my Hibachi Chicken!

My fashion consultants  ;)

But a few days ago, our oldest teenager made an observation about marriage that rang oh, so true.

Jo - "Mom, you and dad don't do anything exciting anymore. Like you used to when you were dating. How come?"
Me - "Well, basically, 3 reasons: Time, Money, and YOU." (Said affectionately, of course)
Jo - "It seems like when you spend time together all you do is go out to eat."
Me - "We do more than that. We also go to Target!" :)
Jo - "Mom ...."
Me - "Honey, you aren't always aware of how we spend time together, and as life changes, it isn't always easy to do exciting things like you used to." (Yes, I know ... this sounds like a big lame excuse. Don't worry. She's about to blow it apart.)
Jo - "Mom, Jake and I are pretty grown up now. You don't need to stay home for us. We can take care of ourselves, and you can do more now."

.............. Total silence. Mom thinking. Mom realizing, "17 yr old daughter is right. Why am I still acting like I have toddlers?"

I'm thankful for wise moments with my teens, because Proverbs 23:15 says, "My son, if your heart is wise, My own heart also will be glad." So true, even when it means I'm learning.


Marriage seasons change, and in each season we need time alone with our spouse, to concentrate on each other and nurture the flames of our relationship. It's true that some times are less conducive to "exciting things," but those times don't last forever. And in every time, we need to make the most of our opportunities to enjoy all it is to be and live in love.

So my teenager was right. We don't always need to stay home "for them." We should do exciting things together ... without kids. 

There's always a way to spend time with your lover. It may not fit in the "exciting" category, but it can always fit in the "time together" category.
  • If you have a baby, put that baby in their own bed, and go snuggle on the couch.
  • If you have a toddler, shut that toddler's door and shut your own.
  • If you have school age children, you should have a good babysitter by now ... use them, or swap nights with another couple.
  • If you have teens, they're pretty grown up. You don't have to stay home with them. Go do something exciting.
  • And if your kids are out of the nest, I'd love to hear how you're spending time together now ... I'm right behind you, and I hope it's going to be exciting!
What season of married life are you in? How are you spending time together?

Friday, January 27, 2012

Life Off Line: 5 Ways to be sure to pray


Today you can find me over at The MOM Initiative posting about Parenting out of the Pit of Addiction.

Today is also the official merger day of Scripture Dig and Do Not Depart. I'm excited to be "going along" as part of the Do Not Depart contributor team. Right now our Bible study together is called Run to Him and is based on various Psalms. This week we read Psalm 4, and 2 phrases got my attention in my real Life Off Line: 
  • "Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness!" v. 1
  • "the Lord hears when I call to him." v. 3
The "when I call" repetition grabbed me, because it's so easy to be so caught up with so many things that I just fail to call. .... Kid appointments. Work demands. Laundry loads. Physical weakness. People pressure. Legitimate needs. I can get caught up in all the "doing" and in attempting to work out my own answers that I leave out "when I call."  

5 Ways to be sure I call:
  1. Get up a little earlier or stay up a little later
  2. Find a place to be alone (when all else fails, the bathroom ...)
  3. Sit still and think about God (the car works!)
  4. Open my Bible and pray back His words
  5. Use a simple prayer journal to keep me focused
Next week I'll wrap up the Life Off Line focus, but I will never cease to need to stop and call on the Lord. He will hear and answer ... when I call. 
Other topics you might want to read from our Life Off Line series:





Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Life Off Line: Are you resting?

In my Saturday closet cleaning, I discovered some long forgotten items. My 2 teenage "fashion consultants" encouraged me to get rid of more than a few items. I've threatened them not to send me in to "What Not to Wear." I firmly believe that most things WILL COME BACK IN STYLE. ;)

I also discovered some lost opportunities. Among other things, I found a FREE MOVIE TICKET that runs out TOMORROW. I'm not good at relaxing. I'm good at working. I usually stuff those "fun things" away for another day, a day when I'll have nothing to do. I'm afraid that day doesn't come very often, does it. But in Life Off Line, it's important to take real time off to relax and rest.

Jesus set a pattern for us when He took time away to rest. Following the feeding of the 5,000, people did not stop looking for Him, asking for Him, or wanting Him to "fix" things. Maybe this is one of the many reasons He understands women! :) But He still rested.

"After this Jesus went away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, which is the Sea of Tiberias. And a large crowd was following him, because they saw the signs that he was doing on the sick. Jesus went up on the mountain, and there he sat down with his disciples. "John 6:1-3

  • Sometimes the most godly way I can use a day is to rest.  
  • Real life isn't very sweet without rest.
  • My busy mind/body/spirit fail to remember who is God unless I stop and sit down. 

So I don't know if the movie ticket is going to be used now or if it will just be a reminder of what I miss when I stuff the priority of rest to dark and forgotten places. After all, the Muppet Movie was showing, and I could've used a good laugh more than a few times since I got that ticket! ;)  Instead, I've taken a step to plan a few nights away at a quiet place offered by friends, and I think I'll go up there on that mountain and sit down. 


What do you do that helps you to find real rest? 

Today's Life Off Line Challenge: 
- Sit down.  :) 
- Take a deep breath.
- Pick up a pen (or however you plan) & mark off a "piece of a day" to rest. Keep it sacred, because it is.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Marriage Mondays: How do you do w/mess?

What makes you hard to live with? Are you afraid to go there? Even more afraid to ask someone else? It's not easy to face our "ugly spots;" we tend to want to cover up or stuff them. Real love doesn't back away from a mess.

Ignore the messy closet,
Photo credit Flickr ~ Grace and Lily
I've been stuffing for the last six years.  In my closet. It's one of the ways I get a lot done. :) It's part of the "messy" in my Life Off Line. I just "stuff it" in there to deal with later. You can imagine where that got me! And can I say here that I fully intended to take a picture and show you, but it didn't happen, because ...

My Jeff really loves me, and he knew I needed help with my mess. He took his Saturday afternoon to tackle my mess. First he told me to keep in mind that anything to follow wasn't personal, a reflection on my worth as a person (he had a trash bag in hand), or his love for me. :) You may remember that when he helped with my pantry, I didn't respond with total grace. :/  So while I grabbed a Diet Dr. Pepper, he started emptying my vault. My first thought:  "Wow! I can pack a lot of stuff in a closet!"

It's hard enough to call a mess what it is, whether it's a closet, a habit, or a circumstance we've made, but it's harder to tackle  the mountain alone. Don't get me wrong; I'm not a candidate for "Hoarders," but that might only be because Jeff doesn't back off from a mess. A working friend is a blessing, and in marriage a spouse that will get dirty and make our mess their own is truly a gift. It's a timeless truth that, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor" (Eccl. 4:9). 
  • Knowing we have to tackle a mess alone often keeps us from tackling it at all. 
  • Our husbands are blessed when we allow them the privilege of meeting a need, lifting our load, and being our knight in shining closet organization. 
  • They are helped when we come alongside them to help tackle their mountains with an attitude of humility and love, instead of criticism or belittling. 
  • They don't want to see us standing in front of them with a trash bag in hand and a glimmer in our eye!

My closet wasn't my only mess, but it was a big one. I'll bet you have a mess somewhere. It may not be the shape of a closet. It may be habit-shaped or attitude-shaped or heart-shaped; whatever the shape of your mess or your husband's, real love won't back away. 


Today's Life Off Line Challenge:
- Ask God to show you an area in your life that needs to be addressed, instead of overlooked.
- Ask your husband if there's anything in his life that would be a relief to have help to take care of ... and then change your schedule to be his helper.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Life Off Line: What's real encouragement?


In adding life online we have new ways of encouraging each other. By clicking "Like" or adding a comment we send a burst of blessing to those we know well or those we know a little and want to reach out to. But has the "Like" button deceived us into thinking that we're "doing" real encouragement?


At the beginning of this week, I shared on Do Not Depart about the danger of ignoring what we see in the mirror, about walking away from what stares back at us from the reflection of God's word. It tells us to be active and pure in how we apply it, but today it's easy to fall into the trap of giving encouragement that's barely an inch deep.


If we think we're people of faith and don't act on what we're taught, our faith is worthless. Our exposure to needs requires a response. True faith acts on the needs of others. The example James offers relates to orphans and widows. You can read all of James 1:21-27 here. Is my faith worthless or true?  With the explosion of information, we can't realistically respond to every single need we're exposed to. We wouldn't have time to get dressed! But if faith is real, it should produce real encouragement. In today's world that may look like:

  • Clicking the "like" button.
  • Commenting about a status. 
  • Sending an email or a text. 
  • Taking a meal to someone who posted that their family is ill.
  • Praying about a need shared on a blog, Facebook, Twitter, or church.
  • Writing a card to someone who has a Caring Bridge site. 

The worlds of online and off line encouragement are colliding to give us a wider range of options for real encouragement. Let's not just be hearers, let's be doers, encouraging one another for real. Next time we ask "How are you?" or respond "Praying for you," let's pause to consider if our faith and our encouragement are real.

Today's Life Off Line Challenge:
- Ask God to show you a need online today; choose a way to respond with real encouragement.
- Take a need you're aware of, & encourage someone off line ... a meal, card, phone call, visit?
How have you been most encouraged online? 
How are you most encouraged off line?