Monday, April 18, 2011

Marriage Mondays ~ Crown or Cancer?

As soon as it slipped out of my mouth I was sorry. That moment was like "cancer" to my husband's bones, according to Proverbs 12:4. I happened on a conversation when one of the kids was appealing to Jeff.  Since I knew of some information that seemed like it would help things move in the right direction ...... I blurted out my "insight" .... and it came out as a reproof to my husband and a "point" for Team Kid.... Bad timing. .... Poor discernment.  

Our oneness as husband and wife was the loser. 

Within minutes we had parted for the day, and I was sending a text message to apologize briefly until I could make it fully right. When Jeff called me a couple of hours later, I knew he hadn't seen the text, and I had to apologize all over again and admit my wrong. He graciously forgave me.  I knelt down, picked up "his crown," give it a polish, and put it back. 

A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
(some versions use the word "cancer" or "rottenness" for the decay) 
Proverbs 12:4

Children aren't required for a wife to disrespect her husband in front of another; it happens all the time in social settings, extended family times, and church meetings. In the presence of others, a wife's commitment to guarding the dignity of her husband reflects a noble character. The commentator Matthew Henry says that, "He that is blessed with a good wife is as happy as if he were upon the throne, for she is no less than a crown to him."

Treat a man like you're correcting him, minimizing him, or disrespecting him in front of someone else, and he not only goes "crownless," but he feels like he's been knocked from his throne. Henry says that a worthy/excellent/virtuous/noble wife is one who "supports and keeps up his authority in his family, as a crown is an ensign of power. She is submissive and faithful to him and by her example teaches his children and servants to be so too."

We don't have any servants, but I am a guardian of my husband's authority, and I put my stamp of agreement on it each time I choose my words and timing to respect him.  This doesn't mean that we keep our God given insights silent, but it means we look out for the best for our husband by "crowning him"  publicly instead of "criticizing him"  publicly. My kids notice when I do, and they notice when I don't.  Other people notice, too, like .... co-workers, neighbors, in-laws, friends, and strangers.

One way to show my husband how much I love him and want our home to be our castle is to be sure I "crown"him, not "criticize" him, especially when we're not alone.

How are you doing at nurturing your husband's dignity?  Are you a crown or a cancer?

9 COMMENTS ~ Click here to leave a COMMENT:

Jimmy M. said...

Julie, this is a great post. It is so true that respect is key to having a happy and healthy marriage. There is a reason that the Bible tells husbands to love their wives and for wives to respect their husbands. Those are the things that we as men and women most need. Great post!

Leslie said...

Love this, what a great visual!!! By the way...Cracker Barrel has some pretty fantastic Shrimp & grits right now....just add salt and pepper:)

Julie_Sanders said...

Leslie, you are speaking my love language. ;)  Thanks for the tip. I feel "lunch out" coming on ....

Julie Sanders

Julie_Sanders said...

Thanks Jimmy. That passage in Ephesians 5 is so specific and so simple, yet it's the pitfall of most husbands and wives. You are so right that respect is a key! How glad I am that the Holy Spirit keeps working on us and that God's mercies are new every morning - that gives hope for making marriage grow sweeter.

Julie Sanders

Angela said...

I hate it when you convict me! :-) Seriously, thank you for this message. It's something God has been teaching me a lot. Now if only I could just keep this big mouth shut! :-)

Julie_Sanders said...

Oh, I hate it when the Lord convicts me too, :) but I know He does it because He loves me, and I'm so thankful.  AND I hate it when He convicts me and I know I have to share it on Marriage Mondays ;)

Julie Sanders

Kristen said...

Sigh. So true! I hate when my tongue works faster than my brain! I usually know it the minute it sneaks out of my mouth! Thank goodness for grace and forgiving husbands!

Pamela Seay said...

You just don't know how much I needed to read/hear this today. Thank you Julie.


Glenda Childers said...

Beautifully written - and convicting. Thanks.