Monday, March 14, 2011

Marriage Mondays ~ Don't believe it

Our house is the color of the eye shadow my Sunday School wore in the early 80's. It stirs up fond memories of her, but now it just makes me think of a frightened smurf. But when we moved in, I knew I would have to accept it and get used to it; Jeff said it was in good shape and would last a long time. Rats.

Sometimes we fall into believing we just have to accept things the way they are, because they're always going to be that way. Don't believe it. 

Many things in marriage are a mystery, but one thing I know to be true: You marriage isn't going to stay the way it is today.

Everything changes. I think one of Newton's Laws puts the idea into scientific terms, but we put it into "real life" marriage terms when we sit with couples in need. Some people feel they're stuck in a disappointing marriage that won't change. Others are just glad they're in a great marriage that will always be that way. Both are deceived. Our marriages will not stay the way they are today. They will change.

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.  2 Corinthians 5:17

If we are "in Christ" and filled with His power, we can daily experience the passing away of old, fleshly, deteriorating ways and embrace new ways, godly ways. That makes our marriages stronger and fights the natural fade. As new creatures in Christ who are growing daily, our marriages can also grow to be more beautiful. 

Since we moved into our home, we've done little bits of paint maintenance here and there, but we haven't intentionally done anything to damage it. With time and wear, it's begun to look dingy, show signs of deterioration, and cry out for a makeover all on its own. The elements have taken a toll, and it's faded.  It's time for a major re-paint job! Maybe I'll have my blog friends help me pick the new color ... MINUS the "sick smurf blue." ;)

Without even trying, marriages just experience wear and tear in life. Good marriages need regular attention to remain strong, and deteriorating marriages need attention before the fade and real rot sets in. If a strong marriage gets careless and ignores regular maintenance, it will go down hill. And though those in a weak marriage may think they just have to accept their disappointing plight that won't change, they'll find it will change for the worse if they don't intervene.

No marriage will stay what it is today. It will either grow and get better, or it will deteriorate and become worse. And my house won't stay "sick smurf" blue. It will either get a new coat of paint (yay!!!) or it will get ignored, rot, and fall apart.

What condition is your marriage in? How do you want it to look different this time next year?

12 COMMENTS ~ Click here to leave a COMMENT:

Lisa Grace said...

Thanks for this; there was a time when our marriage didn't look like I'd hoped and I did what you are suggestion ... I cast a VISION for it. I'm not saying we've got it perfectly made or anything, but we are in God's will for our marriage and have a peace that allows us to handle the ups and downs in a loving way right now. I feel as though I am still in a place of vigilance, though, constantly guarding it with love and prayer so that it can continue to grow. I love Marriage Mondays because they are so encouraging!

Julie_Sanders said...

I'm so glad it's encouraging, Lisa! That's the prayer of my heart.  And how I love that you're in a "vigilant" place, a place where we should all stay in our marriages. Oh, I know God will bless that!

Julie Sanders

Cspoling said...

Loved all the comments of marriage and can relate to them all. We have weathered many ups and downs, and looking back over the 20 years ... we are definitely in a better place with God's leading and working on us individually and together. But what is stuck in my head right now is ... go with an earthy green for your house! We're the run of the mill taupe ... but I love green houses, especially with white or almost accents! No smurfiness there! THanks Julie!

Julie_Sanders said...

One vote for green!  I love it. :)

Julie Sanders

Tami :) said...

Julie- just a thanks from a non-married gal here :) So encouraging to read your posts! I know that IF that is something God chooses to bring into my life I (we) will face those ups and downs on a daily basis- just love reading this to remind me that others will have gone before me in these matters and are a source of wisdom and guidance. Thanks again!

Julie_Sanders said...

You're welcome Tami. This is a truth that can apply to us, married or single. Even without a spouse, we can let our paint peel and suddenly realize we need some maintenance. Marriage means someone is "up close" to see how worn the paint between us can be. You are a wise woman to use this time of your life to be thoughtful and growing. Appreciate your sweet words.

Julie Sanders

Jess said...

Love these marriage posts every week. I am so thankful my marriage is not the same, but always growing and flexing with the life stage we are in. :)

On another subject entirely...I wanted to pass on a Stylish Blogger award to ya! :)

Have a wonderful week.


Julie_Sanders said...

"Stages" will do a lot to keep our marriage in constant change. Sometimes we blame a lot on children coming into our homes, but they really do add so much to married lives, too. It just might need to look a little different ... like those breakfast dates. :) It's clear to see you're doing a great job of loving in every season.

Julie Sanders

Tami said...

I recently discovered "Marriage Monday" and I love the concept. I want to be the best wife I can be. I'll be back next week to participate...

Julie_Sanders said...

So glad to have you join us, Tami, and it sounds like your heart is on track to be that "best wife!" Blessings on your oneness,

Julie Sanders

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