Monday, June 7, 2010

Marriage Mondays ~ Man From Timbuktu ...

Getting Through to the Man From Timbuktu ...

Last week I found myself feeling like I was trying to get through to "the man from Timbuktu." Who? My husband. :) There are moments when I feel like I'm talking to someone from the opposite side of the world, from a different culture, who speaks a language that looks like a stray permed hair to my mixed up mind. Have you ever felt this way? I ask myself, "How can I get through to this man?" I try so hard to communicate, and he stares back at me like I just asked, "Where is the bathroom, sir?" But alas, we are not visiting another country; we are living life together here in our own house where our children would tell you we speak the same language. Silly children! :)

It's not easy to speak each other's language and be understood, and I say this in the month that Jeff and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary!!! Should that be discouraging? Oh, no. Not at all. It's so worth trying, learning, getting better, and enjoying the sought after moments of understanding. When OUR moment of understanding came last week, I reflected on some valuable lessons I should keep in mind for next time. Here are my lessons that might save you some "couple culture stress":

  1. Keep trying. If he's not understanding, I need to communicate differently.
  2. Don't keep talking (different than trying) if I don't know what to say.
  3. Bring my voice down lower and slower. Try to listen to myself.
  4. Listen to my husband, even to his silence, and watch his non-verbals.
  5. Pray for God to give "the man from Timbuktu" understanding and to give me insight.
  6. Trust the Lord that He wants me and this "foreign" man to live like we are the one we are. (Read that again, if I lost you.)
  7. Respect and honor this man as my leader, lover, friend. Don't hurt "us" in my confusion.
  8. Remember he is thinking I am "the woman from Kathmandu." I'm not easy either.
  9. Say out loud that my goal is for us to be closer and more intimate with each other.
  10. Permed hair has to be conditioned and styled daily. Remember that when I'm rusty with interpreting "his language."

I'm sure I'm not the only woman from Kathmandu married to a man from Timbuktu out there. ;) As you read Marriage Mondays, I'm praying for each of us to keep learning and longing to communicate well. If you want to share some encouragement for this Marriage Monday, I'd love for you to link up below AND leave a comment here. Don't forget to link back HERE, so others can find more encouragement.

6 COMMENTS ~ Click here to leave a COMMENT:

Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Great post today!!! I apologize I'm not linking up today! I started a new marriage challenge and I didn't want to put a bunch of buttons on the challenge and confuse the ladies - I wanted to be sure they grabbed the right button lol!

But I will be linking up again weekly starting next Monday!

Have a great start to a new week!
Much Love,

Kela said...

Total agreement!
I seem to get tongue...ummm, brain tied when I'm trying to explain something in a way that my husband will understand.
I have my thoughts and words perfectly planned, but when I open my mouth, its like, "That's not what I was thinking at all!".

As far as the Non-verbal thing...His nonverbal is when he starts to snore when I'm talking to him. It took me a while to realize that the man is tired and I picked the wrong time to wanna try and talk to him. I don't get offended anymore. I should just know better. I keep my mouth shut then so I don't get my feelings hurt. LOL

YES YES YES!!! on point #7!!

Carly said...

Hi Julie I found you through Julie's blog! This was very timely for me as my husband just made up after a looong week of this frustration! I am guilty of just talking more when he doesn't understand or doesn't respond right away and I am guilty of not viewing his non-verbals as communication and just feeling that he is bad at communication! I have difficulties leaving him alone when he doesn't want to talk anymore. This post was very encouraging for me to try to improve and to realize other couples go through similar things!

Traci Michele said...

LOVED your advice! Eps. #7 Respect and honor this man as my leader, lover, friend. Don't hurt "us" in my confusion.

Don't hurt US... so great! When I am hurting him, I am hurting us!

So profound!

Love you! Thank you for your ministry. Keep looking up to HIM. Be changed for good, daily.

Julie@comehaveapeace said...

So good to have you girls join my today on Marriage Mondays. I'm praying for all of us to love our husbands a little better because of the encouragements and challenges of today. Excited to see what Courtney shares in the coming weeks, and welcome for the first time Carly! :)

Warren Baldwin said...

From where I stand, Timbuktu isn't "way out there," it is the place to be :)